Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dating story #2, a lesson in avoiding CELEBRITY musicians


My amazing friend, Nat, whom I met on the subway
[true story], is an awesome Broadway performer.

And, she's friends with Uncle Jesse. SeƱor Juan, as she likes to call him, often plays drums with the Beach Boys. And, I was lucky enough to accompany Nattie to a show of theirs out in Coney Island this summer. VIP all the way. Backstage with the band, including original members M. Love {see image}.
Where does the dating story come in? Don't worry, it's not with one of the octogenarian Beach Boys. But M. Love has a son in the band, C-Love.

We determine C-Love to be HOT. And quite the talented musician. After the show, he removes his hat and we re-asses a bit. Definitely Hotter With Hat {HWH}.
I digress.
C-Love had some busted girl there with him we presumed to be his gf. We were wrong. And he flirted with us in the van all the way back to their hotel where we were going to post-party, as his non-gf sat in ugly silence.
We never did party with them that night, but we did become Facebook friends with C-Love (Nat's genius idea). He then wrote me an FB message the next week asking when I was going to come to another show. Flattered, I asked when I should come

to one. He gave me 2 dates and I could only make one of them-- which turned out to be a non-show night for them. So, he asked if I could "show him around the city" and left his phone #. I was somewhat tickled, but remained cool. (As far as he was concerned).
Showing him around somehow ended up with me meeting him and the band uptown at Rosa Mexicano, or as I like to call it, the "Disneyland of Mexican Food." [El Barfo.]
They were at a huge table and I was late, due to work. C-Love did not even save me a seat next to him, and none of the bandmates offered to switch. Biz-arre!
So I ate next to some random roadies and eventually moved next to C-Love when one got up. He proceeded to "flirt" with me by poking me in the ribs repeatedly. You know, normal stuff. It was becoming clear that homeboy had ZERO game. But I wasn't totally convinced. I mean, he is: 42, in 3 bands, and has a casanova father who, even in his 70's managed to sexually harass Nat and even quasi 'finger-bang' her curly hair.

The night ended with us having solo drinks on the sexy roofdeck bar of the Empire Hotel. [No moves]. Then, I showed him back to his hotel since he is not NYC-savvy. We had a 15 min walk alone in the streets of NYC. [No moves]. In front of his hotel, he then gave me an awkward impromptu shoulder massage. This made me sleepy and and confused, so I announced I was getting into a cab. He did manage to give me a decent kiss good-night. [Sidebar: waiting for the goodnight kiss is SO passe. Pull a Goodwill Hunting and do it impromptu at some earlier juncture, please.]


So, C-Love continues on tour and also continues to keep up with me sporadically over txt and Facebook (which he seems to be ALWAYS on). One day, he comments on a beach photo I posted with the caption "Welcome to my happy place."

Nat comments that this pic is "dirty." I ask "dirty" like dirt or like "naughty."
C-Love then pipes up with "naughty." So, deciding to be flirty, I inform him that is nowhere near a naughty picture. He challenges me, and I accept. I send him a self-
portrait I once took of myself. Yes, it's a tad naughty, but still classy and, I'd like to think, artistic. {see image on right}


He tells me he can beat that, at which point he sends me a txt--at 9am California time, please note-- of his pecker in his hand. {don't worry, I'll refrain from posting that one.}

I open it while I'm in a business meeting.

Way to keep it classy, C-Love.

Lesson: From a poker to a pecker, even if someone is a cute {HWH} quasi-Beach Boy with a celebrity dad, he can still turn out to be a total douche with absolutely NO game.
[Also see: don't date musicians.]