Monday, December 6, 2010

Dating story #19, in the wee small hours of the morning...

I thought Halloween was an amazing time to be single.  
Hellooo, holidays!  
They are seriously no freakin' joke.  Starting with thursday's holiday kick-off , I can already tell it's gonna be a very merry month.  And, the first one I've been single for in NINE years. 
Friday night, I absolutely collapsed on my couch from too much fun on Thursday.  But saturday was a new day.  We started out at my friend's hubby's surprise party at Sala on Bowery, an old staple for great sangria and amazing tapas.  Then, I was off to meet up with a Match dude that I had been having some hilarious email exchanges with.  The first of his kind, actually, that I felt really got my sense of humor and entertained me with his.  I was only semi-concerned about whether I would like him physically.  His online pics made it hard to tell. But, he had his 6'4-ness going for him. And you just gotta roll the dice with these things.  So, 4 cocktails later, I walked in 4" heels to meet him on the LES.  The minute I got there my concerns about physical attraction were confirmed:  
I wasn't.  At. All.  
But, I'm not that shallow.  And I figured if he was as hilarious in person as over email, that may just make up for it.  
He wasn't. At. All.
Sigh.  I managed to make it through 3 drinks and then claimed I was turning into an exhausted pumpkin and needed to go home.  Since he knew I lived nearby, he offered to walk me there.  I said that wasn't necessary.  He insisted.  Was I happy about this?
Not. At. All.
But in my tipsy/frostbitten [yes, winter has arrived] state, I couldn't get my brain to come up with a way out.  So he put his arm around me (weird?) and that is how we walked the 12 minute walk home.  Icky.  In front of my building I gave him a hug and said goodnight.  He went in for the kill and he managed to get away with a peck on the lips. ICKY.  Then, he claimed he needed to use the restroom or something but I was already halfway in the front door and was like "SORRY!!"   Dude, get the message!
But, seeing as it was only after midnight [ok, it was almost 1a] and I was still intact with sassy dress, boots, hair and makeup (not to mention a nice buzz going!), I was not ready to call it a night yet.  Then I got a text from The-bro, my adorable chew-toy friend and guitarist, saying he was at a party I had forgotten I was also invited to!  It really didn't matter that it was 1a or that the party was on 54th and New Jersey [read: far f'ing west], I was in a cab and on my way!  I bet I didn't even get there till around 1:30a, which, as stated {here}, is apparently a GREAT time to show up.  Those with staying power [ie tolerance!] are still hanging and in a great mood.  Plus, I was like fresh meat to those drunk little sharks!  It didn't take long to find my pick for the night.  He was tall and had kind of a Michael Ian Black thing going on. Geek chic.  In fact, that's what we'll call him.  Geek chic and I bonded while waiting for the bathroom and watching this take place across from us:

No, I do not know princess sparklebutt. And no, she was not posing for this.  But it was happening. And Geek chic and I were giggling like little school girls watching it.  I mean, what the HELL is that?  That guy could lose a ring that way. 
And, it got even better!

Double bubble trouble!  Amazeness.

So after Geek chic and I cemented our friendship over this audacity, the natural progression was to engage in a heavy hallway makeout.  Classy!  But at 3am that behavior is totally acceptable. Especially at this type of crazy fiesta.  I then found out he lives about 2 blocks away from me, so we shared a cab. Our cab driver was out of control funny/insane and the school-girl giggling escalated to hyena laughing.  I even videoed  some of it.  Since Geek chic was such a good kisser, I agreed to go up for a night cap.  We smooched and talked a bit more and I had to make the decision to keep things going or be a good girl and make my exit.  I was leaning towards the good but wait-- he beat me to the punch.  Literally just stopped kissing me, sat on the couch and this convo happened:
HIM: "I think I'm gonna go to bed."  
ME: "Um...okay...guess I should go then...?"
HIM: "(sigh)...yeah."
WHA???!!  This has never happened in the life of Lindsey. I suspected he was just mega drunk.  But I still walked out of there in a huff. Funny, was going to leave anyway.  I just didn't like it being HIS decision!  I basically deduced from him that it was "taking too long" to get somewhere [ie. in my pants] and he was over it.  
Do I even care? 
Not. At. All.  
On to the next!

Lesson:  when making a late-night guest appearance, it's ok to flirt and smooch with a new boy-toy, but always, always go home alone.  At least that way you can be sure it was YOUR decision!