Sunday, December 12, 2010

inSANTAty and other holiday tales.

Ouch.  
This weekend was a DOOZY!


In fact, it's been so cray-cray, that for efficiency purposes this post will be in list format.


THURSDAY NIGHT:
-Indigo Girls concert with bestie, Ray.  
Clearly no dating prospects here, unless I want to consider switching teams.  
Low point:  Indigo Girls duped us all by playing only holiday music.  NEW, ORIGINAL holiday music.
High point: Drunk, man-ish girl angered at holiday only set list befriends Ray and I in solidarity. 
-Gives us multiple (20+) claw-like, muscle-y high fives intermittently throughout the show.
-Tries to buy us shots and drinks. Several times. 
-Ray and I squeeze the shi*t out of each other's hands, trying not to pee from hilarity of situation.
-Ironically, we realize this makes US look like a couple. 
-Night comes full circle.


FRIDAY NIGHT:
-Kismettes [ie beach house babes + MIM, honorary Kismette] reunion at the elite Soho House
I'd post pics, but...no photography allowed.  
{irony}
-We were all dressed to kill
-Tons of men there: all gay
-MIM managed to snag the only straight one. Go girl!
-She also snagged a crazy gay super-fan. 
-We laughed till we peed pants
-Drank fancy cocktails, ate weird appetizers
-paid one schmillion dollars for said items. [seriously.]
-Attempted to look cool while navigating Meatpacking's cobblestone in 4" heels. [FAIL]


SATURDAY MORNING: SANTACON
-7am: Wake up and dress in Santa Skank attire.
SantaSkank
-8am: arrive at TheBro's apt where 40 people in Santa attire are doing shots and "pre-gaming" for SantaCon 














Me n' my adorbs TheBro Santa

-10am: converge with hundreds of other Santas and god-knows-whats [Ninja turtles!] in an LES park. 
-Dance to GaGa on a boom box
-Classily drink liquor out of paper bags-12pm: Take subway, converge with THOUSANDS of other Santas in Central Park at Bethesda Fountain.
1pm: I decide I've had my fill. It's supposed to be an all-day/all-night event.  But I pull a Houdini act. I can now check SantaCon off my list.
-2pm: Eat a big-ass ham and cheese crepe
-2:15pm: NAP
-4pm: Wake up, go to get spray-tanned [explain later]
-5pm: Realize that after several cocktails earlier in week, I drunk-mailed Jimmy on FB to tell him he seems to have a lot going for him except he doesn't seem to know how to use the phone. 
-YIKES. Vaguely remember this seeming like a good idea. 
-He wrote back.  Very nice email, yet informed me he's seeing someone and wants to see where it goes. A-HA! I had a feeling.  But damn his moronical friend for harassing me to "BE AGGRESSIVE!" with him.  Dummy.  Good to know. Case closed, moving on.


SATURDAY NIGHT
-met Sexy Sue and P and friends at the swanky Gild Hotel for a cocktail.
-Next, off to their friend's sweet apt for his annual holiday party, hopeful to meet some new and AA men!
-NONE in sight.  
-P and I note that women at party are frumpty-dumpty and/or dressed in Jessica McClintock.
-We drag Sexy Sue out of frumpy coupleville and off to hot new LES spot Mary Queen Of Scots
-BFWB's roomie is bartending- Free drinks abound!
-I develop a serious crush on resto's adorable Aussie manager (ahh! more Aussies!), whose name is the same as a Candybar. This does not bother me, he's THAT cute.
-I shamelessly flirt with Candybar, think he's flirting back.  Or maybe he's just doing good business.
-12am: I decide, out of nowhere, that Teca would like working at this place. And, even though we have had ZERO comm since September, I decide to text him this information.
-I should not be allowed near electronic communication devices when drinks have been consumed.
-Teca actually txts back that he was just there Friday night! He also asks how I've been. I actually feel good about our textchange, since we are clearly going to run into each other sooner or later.
-2am:  I convince the bartenders that I can shoot my wadded up napkin into Candybar's shirt pocket.  They agree to let me, but if I miss, I get sprayed with the bar water sprayer gun thingie.
-I, of course, agree to these terms.
-I, of course, miss the shot.
-Luckily, I figured that after 12 hours of on/off drinking I had about a 2% chance of making the shot and was prepared to duck under the bar.
-my entire left side took the soaking
-I almost pull my Teca phone number move with Candybar but think better of it.  AND, it's all good since bestie KK and I are doing our joint birthday dinner there this thursday, and Candybar will be working. 
-New strategy needed STAT. Please post any/all suggestions!


SUNDAY:
-Haul my exhausted ass up to Saks to replace the Holy Grail of concealers
-In weakened condition, was susceptible to aggressive sales-lady's product pushing.
-Left Saks with greatly depleted checking account. Devil woman!


NEXT UP ON DECK:
-Tomorrow night: Holiday party double-header.
-Party #2 is cocktail attire [hence, spray tan]
-Hope schmillions of dollars worth of makeup/spray tan will make my exhausted face look normal.


Only time, and regrettable pictures on Facebook will tell....