Monday, December 27, 2010

Part 1: Before You Start Dating

Part 1

Intro

- Why do you date?

- Where did this idea come from? Who taught you?

- Ever felt really close to God then fallen away because of a boy or relationship?

o Ever felt like God wanted you to break-up with someone?

§ How many have actually done that?

Think about all of these things and compare them with God’s will for your life and dating. If you have truly made God the LORD of your life, you will seek his will in ALL areas of your life, this includes dating!

We’re influenced by so much, (friends, tv, music, parents, etc.) but where does God’s will come in?

That’s what we’re going to talk about. First you need to know:

· Dating is not in the Bible, our western culture started it

· Essentially, the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry.

· Therefore, when you date someone, the outcome will be one of two things—a break up, or marriage.

So I don’t recommend dating until you’re ready to get married….Buuutt at the same time I know that’s really hard and you are not all going to agree with that. Soo here is what I recommend if you do plan on dating.

Before You Start Dating

- What do I need to know before I start dating?

o 3 things: Know yourself, know God’s will, and know what to look for.

§ 1. Know yourself (Identity)

Before you get heavily involved with someone else’s life, it is a very good idea to be heavily involved with your own life. If you don’t know what you believe and why, or who you are, or what you stand for—you shouldn’t be getting involved in someone else’s identity. Things get messy in this situation, beliefs get compromised, personalities momentarily change, and confusion and chaos result in the end.

How do you figure out who you are?

1. You find your identity in Christ

· “You don’t know who you were truly meant to be until you have experienced the love of Christ”

o Know your purpose in life

o Hole in our heart only God can fill—Hole in God’s heart only you can fill.

- We are nothing apart from God, and he chose to make us special anyways.

o None of us deserve his love.

o Romans 3:23-FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT

o He CHOSE to love us and adopt us as his children.

o Ephesians 1:4-5 says he CHOSE us before the creation of the world. He predestined us to be ADOPTED as his sons through Jesus Christ.

- YOU are a princess!! ACT LIKE IT!! (Go through 3 slides fast)

· Romans 8:15-17-“A spirit of sonship”

§ Deut. 14:2 “Out of all the people on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen YOU to be his treasured possession.”

§ Psalm 45:11 “The king is enthralled by your beauty, honor him, for he is your lord.”

He has something amazing in store for you. The best.

2. Know what God wants (PURITY)

o What is purity?

§ 4 elements

§ Guarding your soul and mind (Spiritual and Mental)

o We don’t wake up one morning and decide we’re going to have sex with a guy down the street. It starts with temptation. Temptation primarily starts in your thoughts.

§ 2 Corinthians 2:11 “We are not unaware of his schemes”

§ Read James 1:14-15

· Temptation leads us away by our own evil desires—which leads us to the action of sin—which leads us to the consequence of death.

· Recognize the devil and his tricks!

o Call him out on it!

o Quote scripture, pray, say Jesus’ name.

· Fantasizing set us up for heartbreak.

o Gets your hormones pumping with no intent on following through.

· Where do these bad thoughts come from?

o Examine your life: friends, movies, music, tv shows…

God, does this please you?”

“Is this going to cause me to stumble or grow closer to God?”

Music limitations.

Romance novel/movie limitations.

§ Guarding your heart (emotional purity)

Prov 4:23-Guard it above ALL else.

First, you must realize that no man will ever completely satisfy you. Everything you will ever need can be found in Christ alone. He is the only one who can completely satisfy our souls.

· Keep your relationship with God first.

o Matt 22:37 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and the greatest commandment.”

· Attention, attraction, affection…attachment, affairs, addiction

o Don’t set yourself up for heartache; remember God is the only true satisfier of our souls.

· Pray for God’s will to be done and not yours. Then accept it.

· Again, this starts with your thoughts: limit your intake on things that stir up your emotions.

§ Guarding your body (physical purity)

Sex outside of marriage is destructive, while sex in marriage can be creative and beautiful.

· 1 Cor 6:13-The body is not meant for sexual immorality.

o Def: Sex as an appetite to be satisfied rather than a gift to be cherished and used carefully

· 1 Cor 6:18-20-FLEE from it!! And..

· Heb 13:4--Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy

· Galatians 5:19-21—Says the acts of sinful nature are obvious—Sexual immorality, selfish ambition, envy—those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

· 1 Thess 4:3-8—It is how we live in God’s will. We are called to live holy lives. If you reject this your aren’t rejecting me, your parents, Gary, etc. but you are rejecting God and the holy spirit.

· Coll 3:5-Put it to death.

Sexual Immorality includes: adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, incest, and prostitution

o 2 Tim 2:22- do whatever it takes to stay pure! Flee from evil desires!!

· No dating at all

· Only group dating

· Never let yourself be alone with a guy.

· Accountability partner (ask for more details)

o James 5:16 says confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

o Our responsibility as girls:

§ Dress modestly (Guys are extremely visual)

· My story-Super Summer, cleaning out my closet

· Booty shorts story (Austin morris)

§ Watch your actions

· Flirting, hugs, sitting in laps, etc.

· The way you dance. (Grinding=no, not even on other girls)

o Story about how my friends and I do it.

· View guys as brothers in Christ, not as your next boyfriend or cuddle buddy.

3. Know what you want/deserve.

o Dating is practice for marriage; therefore don’t date anyone you wouldn’t marry.

o Cheesy but very good advice. So you need to know what you want in a husband.

God has a handsome prince for each and every one of you. You just haven’t met him yet. J

Some people are called to be single for life, and we need to pray that if that is God’s will we should accept it.

· So what type of man do you want to marry??

· No one is perfect, so don’t look for the perfect man, just the perfect man God picked out for you.

· Talk to your parents! Trust them and obey them. They know what they’re talking about. This will save you a lot of heartache.

o Prov 19:20, Prov 15:22, Prov 13:10, Exo. 20:12 (5th commandment)

· Ask God to make your heart desire the type of man he has in store for you. –and continue to ask that throughout your life.

· Pray that got keeps you from settling for someone less than his best for you. And make it your point not to!

· Next: what characteristics does the bible give for godly husbands?

o 1 cor. 11:3 -God then man then woman, not someone who tramples on you though

o Coll 3:18-19- Someone who loves you and treats you with respect

o 1 Peter 3:7- someone who treats you with respect. Part b. says we are heirs WITH them. Someone you can work together with. A partner, a buddy.

o SOS 5:16- Your lover AND your friend. “You want to marry your best friend.”

o Eph 5:25- Someone who loves you as Christ loves the church.

o Eph 5:33-Love you as themselves, we must respect them too though.

§ Matthew 22:37- God first, then your neighbor. Make sure they keep God first and foremost. Also, make sure you do too.

o 2 Cor 6:14-16 A Christian!! No missionary dating.

§ 1 Cor 15:33- bad company corrupts good moral character

§ Preferably someone deeper in their walk than you, if he is going to be leading the household, leading you, etc. I think you would want someone who is going to lead you closer to Christ.

· Write a list of these standards and others that are important to you.

Look at things like background, family life, career paths, his behaviors, habits, etc. These sound superficial but it’s things like these that have a huge impact on whether or not marriages work.

o My bible

o Star the must haves (above biblical traits and personal ones such as Baptist, etc.)

o Don’t date a guy unless he clearly meets the starred characteristics. Usually after I check the first one they’re out. Lol Stick to these standards and don’t settle for anything else.

· Pray for your husband.

o If you’re really serious you can pray for your mother-in-law and his family.

o Make a commitment to wait for him. (all forms of purity)

o Write a letter to him. J

o REVIEW