Monday, January 31, 2011

Dating story #38, Three times the shady.

This post is brought to you by the number 3.

Story #1
It's not a new story. It's the continuation of the Almost Doc story. Because, who can really get enough of that story? It's the gift that just keeps on giving. Like herpes.
In case you haven't had a chance to read any of the Twitter feed on the right side, allow me to summarize the lovely and stimulating text-change we've had today.  I've been asked by tonight's girl's dinner friends to transcribe this exactly, so here you go. Bon appetit!
[starting @ 11:23am EST]
HIM: "Rough around the edges huh"
ME: "Just a little. I think it's really the no-filter thing we spoke about."
HIM: "I filter when I need."
"Andpp [giant random space in text] I really had deep feelings for u."
ME: "Wow, that's sweet of you to say, but I also find it hard to believe after only 3 dates!"
HIM: "Its. True."
"I wanted this to go to the next level"
"I could give u everything u wanted"
"Come away with me this weekend"
"Ill prove it"
ME: "I really appreciate all the effort here. But it's just not gonna work. I think we're in 2 different places."
HIM: "Well I think ur wrong."
And...END. SCENE. 
[at least I hope so. please. pleeease.]
Almost Doc gives me something I can only describe as 
Yes, I made that up. Yes, you should all start using it. I'm sure you know people who give you douchebumps. And if you don't, I want to be you.

Story #2 (aka The one you've been waiting for!)
'member how, in my last post, I told you that SoCal had done something reeeallly shady but didn't tell you what? 
Welcome to what.
I was feelin' pretty pscyhed last weekend about my pending Thursday night swanky LA hotel slumber party with SoCal. Was thinking it would be a fun, flirty way for us to reconnect since we kept missing each other. Plus, he's hot. What's not to be excited about?
Sunday, I even got a cute text from him calling me "mamacita" (cute, non-creepy term of endearment) and he was asking for reco's of places to watch the Jets vs. Steelers playoff game in NYC.  Ironically, I was looking for the same thing in Santa Monica, his old town! How adorable. So we exchanged venue ideas and I was all aglow. Mostly from the epic facial I had just treated myself to, but also loving the attention from Mr. Potential.  Then, this text happened:
HIM: "also, can I ask you a random question that you PROMISE not to get mad at or take the wrong way? innocent question :)"
ME: "go ahead."
HIM: "do you like girls at all, or have you ever gone there?"
Oh dear lord. Here comes the freak flag. May as well start hoisting it up the pole. SH*T!
ME: "Interesting. 
Never gone there. 
Can I ask why you're asking?"
This can't be just totally "random."
I then got no response for 5 minutes and decided it was time for us to pop our no-phone-convo cherry and so I called that boy up.
He answered laughing, "I had a feeling I'd be hearing from you!"
I said "Yeah well you can't ask me a question like that and not expect me to have LOTS more questions in return!"
Basically, I guess the story is that he went out a few times with some chick in LA before he moved here and apparently, she's into the menage thing. Or maybe she's into girls. I don't really understand. My brain was working in overdrive warp speed after all this started going down and all the details are therefore fuzzy.  So it seems like this classy broad had recently expressed to SoCal her desire for this and since I was going to be in LA Thurs, he was and she was, he "would be remiss if he didn't at least ask." 
Waaahwaahweeeewah! Whoa nellie. Whoaaaa horsie. WHOA.
Even though my neurons were firing like the 4th of July, the rest of me was processing this in super slo-mo.  I remember telling him I appreciated the cojones it took to even ask me that. [He really isn't that bold or confident. It's amazing what sex/porn fantasies can get a guy to do]. 
Then, I had to jump off the phone due to work [AHHH!] and we said we'd talk about it later.
I immediately felt icky like green slime.
Then, he sent me this pic:
Cue. Minor. Panic. Attack.
Not that I was even really entertaining this "idea" at all, but HER? I've heard someone always gets left out in a three-way. I mean, sure, she has stringy hair and I can't see her whole face. But who can compete with that rack-tasticness??? Def not ME! I'm all legs and nothin' up top.
And, furthermore, who the hell has pics like that? Mind racing, mulling over this girl's possible professions:
-Call girl
-Pole dancer
-Table dancer
-Private dancer
-Accountant [as in accountant in PORN movie involving financial fantasies]
Upon seeing this, I promptly wrote him back:
"Look, I am a very open person but this is just WAY too soon to even talk about something like this. I don't know you that well yet and this whole thing is just making me feel weird. But if you'd rather hang with her Thurs night, say the word. You're not stuck with me."
He wrote back right away, apologizing and hoping he didn't offend, and that he would really like to have our date Thursday night, with JUST me.
What can I say...I'm a sucker for a guy who can sincerely apologize. I guess I couldn't fault the guy for trying and felt a teensy bit honored that he thought I could hang with Count Rack-ula. But I definitely still felt icky about it for a few days after.  In hindsight, I'm wondering if maybe the Universe was doing me a favor by snowing SoCal into NYC? 
And, after all, it did send me Story #3...

Story #3
Weds night, upon returning from a 5-course, 3 schmillion calorie tasting-menu dinner at my Venice fave, Tasting Kitchen, I didn't know what to do with myself. I knew NYC was snowed in, thus [fortunately] squalching my Thursday night rendezvous with SoCal, so I didn't even care about being a bloatation device for the next 24 hours. Hell, no leg-shaving either. Woohoo! Sometimes, it's the little things... 
Anyway, I was out with my amazingly hilarious co-worker Bill. Just to give you some insight into Bill, he thought he would buy me a nice, helpful gift while we were in LA:
Thanks, Bill. You're so good to me.
So Bill and all 300 water-weight lbs of me knew that, even though it was 12a and we had an early shoot the next am, we could not drag our full asses to bed yet.  He decided to work on his fullness with a cigarette and I chose a digestive (aka liquor that burns like a fiery inferno down your throat but actually helps make you feel less full.) 
We sat outside at the cool Viceroy pool area and ran into some advertising friends of ours, as all Ad people stay at these hotels when out on production and the industry is so incestuous that you always run into people you know. In this case, we ran into a horrible ex-coworker, The Russian, who attempted to face-rape me earlier in the week [long story. another time.] but he had cute friends with him. And, luckily, they weren't even his friends, but friends of acquaintances. I say luckily because I would have serious trepidation for anyone who was actually voluntarily friends with The Russian. So I began chatting with tall, dark and plaid friend, San Fran.  He had sparkly blue eyes, was most definitely AA in appearance, and is also a copywriter for a great agency in San Francisco.  After hanging out for a bit, I knew I needed to go upstairs simply because the button on my jeans was threatening to spontaneously explode off of them and I was afraid for anyone in the line of fire. [Seriously, I think I'm STILL full from that meal.]
Before I bolted, San Fran said we should exchange numbers and meet up another night. I agreed and ran to seek refuge in stretchy pants.
He and I exchanged a few funny texts that night/the next day.  And in the early evening I asked what kind of trouble they were getting into that night.  He wrote back that he was trying not to go out as he had a 5am call-time the next morning. [ouch.] 
I ended up hangin' with the work crew in the swanky hotel bar, doing some drinks n' apps. Again, I managed to re-bloat myself. I think it was really residual bloatation from the previous night, triggered the minute I put more salt in my mouth.  So at about 12a I adjourned to my room thinking I might actually chill and watch a movie while I packed for my return flight the next day. 
About 10 mins later, I got a text from San Fran saying he was coming to the Viceroy for a drink and I was meeting him. Guess he gave up trying to behave, huh?  Sounds like someone I know... (me!). Honestly, if I had taken my makeup off, it would have been an automatic no-go. But miraculously it was all still on as was my cute outfit. And it would be such a shame to waste it. Plus I figured I could drink a little more of that hellfire-water to help my poor, angry tummy.  So, I obliged. 
We met at the bar- he was even cuter than I remembered and TALL! 6'5" to be exact, which I LOVE. I can still wear heels and not feel like a trannie!
We went outside to have a drink and I felt instant chemistry. He was smart, witty, complimentary of me, and well beyond AA-- 38!  He told me I was even more beautiful than he remembered as he gently tucked a stray hair behind my ear. 
Cue: heart pounding. 
After awhile, he leaned in and gave me an amazingly sweet yet sultry kiss. 
Cue: heart racing.
Sure, he doesn't live in NYC. But I could still enjoy myself, right?
Cue: more time in smooch-town
He talked about his dog. I live for dogs, so I love a guy who does too.  We talked all about the dog and the hikes they take together, how she got hurt once, how she curls up on his lap even though she's a big dog. Innocently, I asked who was watching his prized dog while he was away.
His response: "My girlfriend."
Check. Please.

They say bad news usually comes in threes. I'd like to expand that to threes and three-somes. 
Thank you, Universe. 
You. Are. Awesome. x3.

Another Girl's Story

Hey girls!

This is a really cool article about a girl's dating relationship. I think some of you could probably relate to what she went through. If you get a chance you might look through the rest of the magazine, it's pretty cool!

Emotions and Dating

When it comes to dating, emotions are the biggest thing that cause conflict, drama, and pain. If we can learn to control our emotions instead of letting them control us, we will see victory in our relationships. Here is an easy acronym to remember about this.

Recognize your emotion
Express it to GOD
Evaluate your emotions in line with God's word
Decide to agree with God

When it comes to emotions and dating, you should lean back not forward. As girls we get overly involved and attached with a guy way to early. We have to learn to 1) let the guy lead in the depth of the relationship and 2) be fully functional and content being single.
Fantacizing about guys sets you up for heartache. Don't do it.
Pray for God to guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23
1 Corinthians 7:34-focus on what God wants for you
Galations 1:10-Examine yourself, are you trying to please men or God?

You always marry somebody you date.
So think about who you're dating!

A man will never meet all your needs. Only God can totally fulfill you.
Check out some Godly characteristics for men you should look for- 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Dating story #37, from Atlantic to Pacific, boys are stupid.

....and we're BACK. Back in the giant, non-cherry flavored Slushee that is New York City.  
But, it's totally fine. I mean, I was getting soo sick of seeing THIS out my window every day:
Do you like how I got all "artsy" with that shot and decided to use a Dutch angle?  See how LA/warm weather is already nurturing my obviously burgeoning photography skillz???  Sigh...
But really, it's fine.  Who wants to have a work day like THIS?
Certainly not THIS girl! No, I am, like, SO totally over it.  So lets give you the MANdate status, shall we?!

In my last post, I mentioned how it looked like SoCal and I were going to have a fun west-coast slumber party date at my hotel since we overlapped in LA for one night.  I was really looking forward to it, although over the weekend, he did something reeeally shady.  I'm not ready to speak about it yet, but when I do...oooh, yeah. You're not going to believe it. [Cryptic, I know. Sorry.] But, he apologized for it and I'm not one to hold a grudge. Plus, things can get so confusing via text and we haven't been able to see each other for 3 weeks, so I was giving it all the benefit of the doubt. [One of my best and/or worst qualities.]  
So I was getting geared up for our little rendezvous when I was informed at dinner Wednesday night that all flights out of NYC were cancelled due to yet another blizzard.  I have been amazingly fortunate enough to have missed THREE blizzards and a few days of single-digit temps.  But, seriously- what the HELL is up with this winter?  I'm starting to get the feeling that the Universe hates NYC.  I'm also getting the feeling that SoCal and I are not meant to hang out. Ever.  And, based on the shady things that went down, maybe it's a good idea?  So, I waited on Thursday to hear if he made it out but assumed he didn't based on the fact that NYC pretty much shut down, and also, because his FB page told me.  SIDEBAR: Don't become FB friends with a guy you're seeing/dating/etc prematurely.  It's just a bad idea.
So, not being able to hold out any longer, I shot him a text saying "Guessing you're snowed in, huh?" To which he answered that it looked that way, and that was pretty much the end of comm. Ok, I'm sure he was pissed to be missing his big snowboarding trip. But was it wrong that I also hoped for requests from him to hang out since he could look on the bright side that he was stuck in NYC for the weekend but at least I was coming back? Clearly said requests were not sent, and I figured I'd just wait and see what happened when I returned.
After being bitch-slapped in the face by the cold, slushy snow-grossness upon landing in NYC Friday night, I trudged my roughly 80lb suitcase over a snowbank and grumpily set up shop on my couch.  I posted on FB "It's icy and and cold and I wish I had a warm dog to cuddle with. Why aren't there rental services for that?"  Two minutes later, our good friend The Streak sent me two links of places called "Rent-a-pet." I am APPALLED and HORRIFIED this service actually does exist, but that's another story for another time.
I decided to drink a lot of wine [while I whined] and watched bad TV. 

The Chef then checked in with me and asked if I wanted company, and since I was feeling lonely and sans rental dog, I gave him the greenlight.  I'm sure he came over looking for some action. What he got was me passing out on his shoulder. Poor poor lil' Cheffie!  But he is a really sweet guy and there seems to be no pressure from him, so I see no need to cut the cord just yet...
-->And now, a brief SoCal intermission!<--
The Chef had to leave early for work Saturday morning, so after he left I checked my phone.  Text from SoCal at 7:35a: "Doggie cuddling services available here. ;)"
Aha, so he does look at my FB page. Interesting.
I texted back about an hour later and we had some funny banter. Which led him to this text at approx 8:37a:
"Wanna come over? Unfortunately I only have until about 10:30a this morning, reserved a car to go run some errands."
I responded that I really appreciated the offer but maybe we could hang out another time when it's not 8am and I don't have to fit into your little 1.5 hour window. W.T.F dude???
He wrote back a frowny face (ladies, how do we feel about emoticons from guys? I'm really on the fence here). He said he understood and had just made the rez, but cuddle services would be available to me another time when better for me.
I thanked him for this generous raincheck.  And, because he is a huge music fan like me, told him I was going to see a band at Bowery Ballroom that night if he was interested. His response: "That could be fun. Let's talk later and see."
Oookay. Obvi he didn't have a date or he would've said he had plans. Clearly, this is a case of something I just learned about called BBO: Bigger better offer. He must've been waiting to see if anything better presented itself, and it must have, as I haven't heard from him since.

But I went to the show with BFWB and friends and we had an absolute blast!  So, screw you SoCal, and your little dog TOO!

So, after not really talking much with Drummer Boy post-holidays, he's made an interesting return!  Let's be very clear about Drummer Boy's position in the line-up: He's for APO. [see glossary]  But I will say that he serves his purpose well. And, he's sweet, pretty frickin' hot, and seems to think I am too. Easy, breezy, nice n' please-y. He is definitely a good one to keep around for a cold and lonely night. Which is exactly what happened late last night/this morning. Ah, it's good to be back!
And now, what should be BY FAR the best part of this MANdate.

Yes, you've been waiting for it and the time has finally come.  I knew this would have to happen, but I was absolutely DREADING it. Almost Doc had harassed me with half a dozen phone calls [unanswered] while I was in LA. He finally resorted to a few typo'd texts which I sort of answered. I figured I'd just wait until he started call-bombing me once I returned to end this madness. Then he texted me late last night: "What's going on here" and "R we packing it in?" I thought this may have been the perfect opp for me to take the wuss way out and text back that I thought he was fun and cool [lie and LIE!] but that I just didn't see it going anywhere from here.  Of course, he was not about to let me off that easy and began text-bombing me and tried to call. I couldn't pick up because my friend Kels was over and I needed to leave, so I told him I agreed that it was wrong to text him and I would call when back from family din with MIM and friends. Kels then made the amazingly funny and astute comment: "It's like you're on the Bachelorette--only the guys don't realize they're contestants!" UH-maaazing.
Without further ado, here's a rough transcript of our call tonight:
ME: Look, I think you're sweet and fun [lie, lie!] and I've had a good time with you [lie!] but I just don't really see this going anywhere from here. 
HIM: "What did I do wrong?"
ME: [in my head] "What didn't you do wrong??"
ME: [in reality]: "Oh nothing really [lie!], I just think it's more of the age difference/maturity thing.
HIM: "Oh. Did you think I wanted a serious relationship? I didn't."
**cut to 5 mins later in phone call after me explaining things he could improve on. [his request]
HIM: "Lindsey, I don't understand. I like you. I want to BE with you. I want to take this thing to the next level!"
ME: "You do realize you've completely just contradicted yourself, right?"
HIM: "I guess. So...we really can't hang out anymore?"
ME: "What would be the point? I'm at the age/stage where I'm really looking for someone to be with and I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's if I'm not feeling it. I'm not getting any younger."
HIM: "Well I'd be happy for you to bear my children. And I think you'd be a great mother to them."
[Sure, this all seems very normal to say to someone you've been on 3.5 dates with and known for a month.]
**cut to 5 mins later, after I explained I would not be bearing his children.
HIM: "So, how was my physique for you? Did you like it or think I need to be in better shape? I used to be more chiseled..."
ME: "You're fine."
HIM: "What about intimately? How did you find all that to be? Was I able to satisfy you?"
After choking back the chunks slowly rising up in my throat, I told him I had an early morning and had to go. I swear, I think I may have heard him sniffle...

Dear God and/or,
Please refrain from sending me any more of these people who appear to be normal but are, in actuality, one banana short from flinging their own feces inside a cage.  
Thanks much,

I do have another pretty amusing story from the West Coast, but this is long and you have to be hoping it's over soon. I know I'd like to be put out of my misery.  Well, at least for one night. 
To be continued....!

What are your motives for dating?

What are your motives for dating?

Thursday, January 27, 2011

4 Dating Do's and Dont's from Brian and Vikki Banks

Last night at the BCM worship service Brian and Vikki Banks discussed 4 Do's and Dont's of dating. Here are the notes I took. Hopeful this might encourage some of you!

1. DO deal with your stuff now.
Your hurts, your habits, your hang-ups. It's no doubt we all have them, what matters is how we deal with them and what we choose to do with them. All the baggage from your past or present, deal with it now before entering a relationship. If not, these things will hurt your relationships.

Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of self-ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

2. DO deepen your walk with God.
Collossians 2:6-7 "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
Galatians 5:15 "So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."
Walk by the fruits of the spirit.

3. DO NOT compromise in your choice.
A Christian relationship should be 2 believers each seeking to grow deeper in God. 2 believers communicating in love.
Statistics show that there are 2 Christian women to every one 1 Christian man. Sadly, 1 in every 3 women marry down in terms of their spiritual level.
Ladies: You will choose one man to lead you for the rest of your life. Choose wisely. Who you choose will effect how you serve God, what ministry you do, how much money you give to God, how your daughter perceives men and God, and many many other things.
Look for someone who has scripture-based values, someone who puts people before things, who realizes sex is to be sacred and honored in marriage, not outside of it, and someone who realizes divorce is NOT an option--God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16.) So please, do not compromise. Look steadily ahead at God and he will show you a man who will lead you like you need.

4. Don't date in a vaccume.
Sometimes in relationships we tend to get so sucked-in and focused on our relationship that we completely forget about our friends, our family, and everyone who cares about us. Sometimes even to the point of ignoring their instruction or words of wisdom. This is NOT healthy. Be careful that this doesn't happen to you. People who know you well and care about you usually disagree with your choices for a reason--they know you deserve better. Listen to them.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


"The only thing scarier than being alone, is marrying the wrong person."

Are you willing to date someone who is not good for you and risk marrying the wrong person simply because you are lonely right now?

MANdate, west coast activity.

Well, in true LA style, I've been trying to detox.  
But in my case, it hasn't really been a Blueprint kind of thing, although I HAVE done a lot more working out and eating quasi-healthier. Something about this place just makes me want to, as opposed to winter in NYC which makes me want to stuff my face with as many hot, fried and tomato-y carbs as I possibly can.  Um...why haven't I moved out here yet?

Anyway, I've actually been attempting to Man-tox while out here.  You know, clear my head a bit and not be consumed by things.  And it's been pretty good so far!
I'm obsessed with the sunsets from my room.
Bestie Jendel and I did the Mount Hollywood hike over the weekend.  
I swear we were closer than this! Dumb camera phone makes things look farther away.

But alas, there has been a bit of Man-tivity going on, so let's get to it, shall we?

Almost Doc Calls FREQUENTLY. Never leaves a message.  Finally sent me a text today that said "Whats up?"  No wait- actually, it said "Whqts up."  I wrote back I was working. He txted back "Hows it foing."  
REALLY?  You can't take an extra 1 second to make sure your 2-3 word comm to me isn't typo'd and stupid?  UGH.  I need to eliminate him, I know, I know.  But I don't feel like it's right to suddenly up and do it from LA. Right? Bleeegh. [that's me, not wanting to deal.]

 If you recall, after SoCal bailed on our date before he left because he was sick, I challenged him to see if he really even cared about seeing me again, and he said that he did.  So I figured we'd see when I return.  
This past saturday, I woke up to a text from him "Hey sunshine, when do you get back from LA? I'm actually going to be there Thursday."
I informed him I was leaving Friday, and he was excited about the overlap.  Turns out, he is going snowboarding in Mammoth this Friday and, when I asked where he was staying Thurs night, he said he'd probably be couch surfing.  So, being the nice (and, ok, somewhat-in-need-of-some spooning) girl I am, I told him he was welcome to stay at my hotel with me that night.  I mean, we have had several slumber parties before, so it's not a huge deal.  He was very excited about this idea [duh. I mean, couch-tasticness or ME + a luxury hotel. yeah.] So as far as I know, that's what's going down on Thursday night. Funny, we can't seem to meet up for a date in NYC where we BOTH LIVE, but looks like we're going to have a small, random getaway in LA.
Oh, I also sent him this picture of my "hard" workday yesterday, with the caption "hope you're enjoying those 7 degrees."
He quickly wrote back "mmmm....I want to see up higher on those sexy legs!"  Interesting how a text with a slight pic of a body part [I mean it's FEET. EW.] can illicit a 2 min later reply text.  Otherwise, I usually get them in 24 hour stretches. Tres uncool, btw.  I'm gonna have to let homeboy know about that too if the right moment arises.  No more of this! Nobody texts Baby in the corner!!  hmm...not sure that modern adaptation worked? [just pretend it did and keep reading]

Ah, the Chef. Ya know, I've kinda missed him a little!  At least he LIKES me, doesn't overwhelm me with calls/texts, and he's yet to ask me about how long I "shed" for on my cycle, so he's got that going for him too. It's the little things...  And, although I was just kidding about that, I would like to take this moment to say that the Chef has nothing to do with "little things." Yes, I mean what you think I mean. W-O-W.  
Maybe I texted him the same beach pic for efficiency and quality control purposes.  He wrote [in the middle of the vampire nighttime] that I should bring that warmth back and hurry because it's Restaurant Week.  I said that was a good idea since he owes me a dinner [it's true. he does], so he said early next week.  And, I've decided to hold out for a "real" date in Datesville with him, instead of just settling for Meet-up town, USA.

 Someone asked the other day "What happened to The Streak?"  EXCELLENT question, reader.  The fact is, nothing has happened to or WITH the Streak except for some extreme pen-pal action.  Lots of twittering, Facebook commenting and G-chatting, but that's mostly it.  Wow, just reading all those things I wrote about my comm with him made me step back and say "Oooh this is SO not an adult relationship."  Yeah, that's a maj bummer since I think he's mad hilarious and smart.  Even though he claims to really like me, I just haven't seen the effort or any action for that matter, so that's pretty much where we're at.  He was actually up for editing the job I'm out here in LA shooting but it ended up going to another editor. Now THAT could have made for some excellent stories here!  Oh well.  You win some, you...get only non-verbal comm.  Yipee skippy.

El Señor?  No bueno.  No call-o or text-o.  Thinkin' it's dunzo.

Drummer Boy:  BACK from dormancy!  MIM was right- they DO always come
back. In this case, color me mega-surprized to hear from him in a random text the night before I left (figures.) He's a musician, hot, great body and dumb as drumsticks.  But still not a bad one to keep around in the Line-up.

Ok, that's it for now because my confused eyelids are

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

"It is God's will that you would be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit."

Friday, January 21, 2011

MANdate: Leaving some crazy behind.

Ready for a quickie? 
[I mean a quick update. Gutter-minds!]

Well, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my job can often have its perks.  For instance, having this as your view:
Or, running along the beach with this as your backdrop:
Especially when all your friends and fave peeps are dealing with the frozen tundra that is currently NYC.  Yep, I'm pretty much ELATED right now.

'member how the night before I left I was supposed to have a date with SoCal, but had a feeling he was going to flake?  I should really be a psychic.
I waited and waited for him to reach out first, mostly out of principal, but finally reached my limit where I also wanted to plan my night. So I texted him.  But he had actually responded to something I wrote him on FB about a band he saw at the exact same time.  He said he was definitely getting sick and hadn't gone to work that day, and didn't want to get me sick before my trip.  Fine, fine.  But, as MIM pointed out, "Um...even sick people can tell people they're sick and not making plans for the eve." Touché!  This suitor is not really measuring up so far.  So why do I even care?  I'll get back to you when I figure that confusion out.  He did ask when I was returning and if he could see me then.  I decided to bust out a can o' honesty on him:
ME:  "Back end of next week you even WANT to hang again? Seriously, I like honesty."
SoCal: "Yes, I do, SERIOUSLY."
Okaaay...all evidence to the semi-contrary, but it's nice to get a straight answer and also give someone an out.  Maybe by the time I return, he'll have sampled the entire 99 cent menu and be ready to start dealing with some lobster [aka ME.]
So I figured I'd have a nice night to myself, drink a little wine and enjoy one of the SAG movie screeners that had so thoughtfully showed up in my mailbox.  Of course, Almost Doc called 3x to see if I "wanted to see him," to which I responded a) wrong question. Here's what you say: "Lindsey, I'd like to see you before you leave town." b) no thanks, I'm tired and have to pack.  Ugh.  He maybe also called me at 6:40a LA time this morning.  Luckily, I always mute my phone out here for reasons just like this.  But I did send him an email reminding him that I'm 3 hours behind and maybe I also implied that he woke me up.  Wow.  "Not really that interested" has quickly turned to "kind of loathe" with this one. I was hoping it would just kind of fizzle out during this trip, but I can see I'm going to have to take some kind of action here.  Advice??

In lieu of douche-canoe Almost Doc visiting, the Chef had reached out to see if he could bid me "fairwell."  I told him he could bid me "farewell" if he wanted, but I was drinking wine and watching The Social Network and had no plans to stop even if he came over.  He was [obvs] fine with this, and in typical Vampire Chef style, didn't make it over till about 12a anyway.  He DID actually dole out his first compliment about my appearance, which was refreshing.  We talked about my trip and he asked how long I would be gone for.  I told him and then he answered:
the Chef:  "Man, what am I gonna do without you here ALL weekend?"
to which I thoughtlessly replied [out loud]
ME: "Um, do we really even hang out that often?" 
Whoopsie! Maybe that didn't sound so nice?  But now that it appears that I am probs the only chick in his life currently, I'm thinking I may need to manage some expectations here.  As in, you're barely 25, I'm over 30. 
You work in a restaurant and stay up all night, I work during the daytime and only stay up half the night [due to insomnia and idiocy]. 
I think you're a fun guy to randomly hang out with, You maybe think I'm your betrothed. 
You most likely had whooping cough and didn't see a doctor since you have no health insurance, I have health insurance and see a doctor if I get a hangnail.
Aw I need help with TWO let-downs!  Faaaaahk.

Well, I'll have to think about that later. Off to take a disco nap before heading out. Hope you have a fantabulous weekend, pretty pretties!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Happy Humpy Day + a MANdate!

Hellooooo out there!  
And for realsies, THANK YOU soo much for being out there!
I have been loving all your comments lately and, since I'm semi-blogtarded, I don't know how to respond to them or if you even get them. So, just know that I GET THEM and love reading your thoughts, opinions and advice.  
Also, a few of you have sheepishly said you "stalk my blog." Um, isn't that the point? I'm putting my senseless, manic drivel out there for y'all to read, so the fact that you actually ARE has me tickled like a cacti.  Yeeehaw! Wow I'm so Southern today...  Maybe it's just because I'm fairly excited, seeing as NYC looks like this:
And, Santa Monica, where I'll be for 9 days:

That's right. SUCK IT, winter.  
Okay who am I, Al Roker?  Enough of the weather. On to our MANdate. Lemme just break it down for you [with icons. because, they're fun]:
I was pretty sure SoCal has So-long'd. I sent him a txt asking about his last wknd snowboarding trip last tues night and he txted me back- 24 hours later. He did say the snow screwed up his trip back, so maybe he was traveling, but still, I've seen homeboy-- he's constantly on his phone. The issue with him (well, one of them) is that he's a Match guy and he's fairly new to it, so he's like a fat kid at McDonald's right now, ordering everything on the menu. I have a feeling he'll be back; "They always come back," as MIM says, but whatevs. If you don't realize I'm a sparkling gem and take advantage of that, laterz dude.
That said, he gets one more chance tonight when we are supposed to have a date.  I'm hoping our "ships passing in the night" travel sitch has been the main hangup, since I still see so much potential in him. But, he's also gonna get some truth laid on him from me. As in, if you like me at all and want to keep seeing me, I'm gonna need some consistency. Not a lot. Just more than this. And, I think I'm worth it. Hell, I KNOW I am. Who the eff isn't? And, good luck getting that kind of honesty from a 23 year old, if that's who you're currently dabbling with. (No offense to any 23 year olds out there! But he's 35 and it's just not fair for you to be stealing the AA guys from me.)
Sidenote: while he did take me on the creative (albeit freezing and
gastrointestinal issue-laden) ice skating date, he's yet to take me to an
actual meal and, he's also yet to actually CALL me.

Almost Doc, however, loooves to call. I can't always/don't always answer so I usually text him back. Hilarious, he never responds to those! Just calls.  Oh, did I mention, as he had a death-grip on my hand over our last dinner, we were discussing my upcoming 9-day biz trip to LA. 
He ainformed me he's off next week [aka available to join me??!] and b) he's "going to miss me SO much." Oh dear god, I think I just almost vomited on my keyboard as I typed that. WHY am I still enabling this relationship? Ew. Must. Stop.
BFWB and I saw PRINCE, time #2 last night and it RULED once again. The Chef and I were texting periodically during the night  and continued as I got home and began some prelim packing for LA at 1am. [totes normal in Lindsey-land]. He then invited me to meet him for a drink "later on" if I was so inclined. Um...hi, vampire Chef. In an hour it will be 2:30a. On a Tuesday. (Ok technically Weds). Yeeeah, some people have to, you know, work during NORMAL hours. Hellooo-o! Oh well, at least it's amusing. Damn service industry. Haven't I learned anything yet? 
And last, El Señor. I found out he's currently in LA and staying at a literally across the street from where I will be staying. ¡DANGER! But, possibly also, fun.  Ah...who the hey-sus knows what it is.  

I'm kinda thinking LA might be a good opportunity for me to get those "coffee beans" I've been looking for. [I recently posted that I feel about the current Line-Up of menfolk the way I sometimes feel when I go to Sephora. You smell so many perfumes, and then you can't smell ANYTHING.] I could use a good head-clearing [and a nice facial, now that I look in the mirror. Oh, hey there dead, dry skin cells] to gain some perspective and see how I feel.  
Scratch the whole line-up? Perhaps.  
But, maybe that's too rash.  Let's just see what goes down. 
And, let's see if SoCal mans up tonight...fingers n' toes [loosely] crossed!

Back to you soon from the Left Coast. Fab-a-dabba-dooo!

Questions for you

So I have not updated in a few days and I am now asking does anyone even read this? Is this site helping anyone at all? Is there something different I should be doing?

Give me your input please!! :)

Monday, January 17, 2011

Dating story #34-36, a passionate Latino, a flake, a bailer, and a fixer-upper.

Hello, my pretties!  Miss me?
Sorry for the sabbatical but I was out there collecting more MISadventures for you.  And boy do have a few!
#34- Friday night
We have a new addition to The Line-Up. Ladies and gents, I bring you:
Aka Facebook picker-upper.  Yes, he "friended me" right before X-mas and explained that he saw me in some of my agency's holiday party pics.  This is a GOOD thing, as that was one of those nights where you try to look good and actually succeed. He then noticed that we went to rival high schools in San Antonio, Tx. He also works in the ad biz as a copywriter which is another bonus for me.  So I said maybe we'd meet up after work one day post-holidays for a drink.  And, he did a great job of checking in periodically and keeping tabs on me.  I then realized it would probably be a good idea to do a quick "background" check on him from one of our mutual FB friends. Mainly, in addition to confirming he's not an ax-murderer, I needed to check on his height. Obvs. So, I checked with fab gal pal Dbots who gave the greenlight on height and also added [repeatedly]: "Two words: Soccer. Body."
Also confirmed by many of his pics-- hello, Señor workout-o mucho!
So, we set Friday night as our date and decided to stay in our mutual hood [double-bonus!] the LES.  We then began texting.  After a phone call with a bestie, I randomly posted her wonderful quote on my FB status last week: "Real men call."  The woman-support and feedback was pretty staggering on that one!  Clearly, El Señor stalks my page frequently as he then texted me this: "Real men call. But tactful men know WHEN to call.  I will call you Friday to discuss our date. Until then, we text."  HA!  I'm intrigued by this guy and looking forward to meeting.  He then calls me on Friday afternoon-- I answer the phone and swear Antonio Banderas is speaking back to me.  This causes me to exclaim: "¡You have an acento!"  I was not expecting that. Apparently, he's Mexican.  I have (no offense) never met a tall Mexican man, and I'm from a predominately Hispanical city. The plot thickens.  
He picks a cool place I've never been [hard to do!], Casa Mezcal.  He's definitely good-looking, in a "slightly aboriginal" way [MIM's words]. Tall? Almost.  Barely pushing 5'11.  But I'm willing to work with it.  And besides, he's taken me to a place that comes with complimentary fried grasshoppers on the bar. 
So, how does El Señor stack up?  Well, we had a really fun time.  He's definitely an interesting hombre.  But something was a little off.  He's got a little of the ever-popular "word vomit" that so many seem to have. You know, no thinky before you talky talky?  Yeah. I'm not really sure what to do with that. What I WILL say is that my new amigo moved in for a beso at our second drink location and it was MUY BUENO! Damn those Latinos and their caliente passion.  This confuses me as I have not kissed a good kisser in a fortnight and so now I can't tell if I like this guy or I just like kissing him.  I suppose time [and a second date] will tell.  Oh, and speaking of time, I got home at 5a that night. Oopsie!
#35- Saturday night
   Our dear old friend, SoCal returned from his vacation and finally decided to text me back. TWENTY-FOUR HOURS after I texted him. Maybe that's normal for some, but every time we've hung out, he is very on top of his phone whenever it blows up. So...yeah. Not cool. Yet every time I start to assume he's not that into it anymore, I'll get a text from him.  And that happened on Thursday.  He asked me "When do I get to see you and hear you sing?" I did some quick thinking and realized I could bring him to BFWB's potluck dinner party saturday night.  And, there will ALWAYS be singing at a BFWB event. So I invited him.  He said "Grrr...I have tentative plans Sat night.  Can I try to get out of them and let you know?"  I obliged, even though I obvi assumed "tentative plans" meant "other date."  See, SoCal is a guy and inevitably still experiencing the initial allure of People Shopping. Sigh. So on Friday afternoon, still not having heard from him on whether he was in or not, I was forced to inquire.  He wrote back instantly, apologizing for not letting me know sooner ['busy at work'] but he was unable to make it Saturday night.  He did ask when I was leaving for my upcoming LA business trip and how long I'd be gone, so I gave him said information.  No response for days.  But heard from him today, so WTF dude??  We set up a date for Weds night before I leave, where he's about to get a nice dose o' truth from the Linz about being more "consistent" moving fwd if he's interested in continuing to see me.  Grow up, dumb dumb. The Chef is 10 years younger than you and knows the importance of frequent "maintenance." 
   Moving on, The Streak was gchatting me all day and it occurred to me he'd be a super-fun party date.  So he got the sloppy seconds invite.  And, accepted! Yaysies.  I even started to get a bit 'cited because he is really fun and can hang with any group of people.  He did say he couldn't have a late night because of an early morning shoot on Sunday, but I was cool with that. Especially because The Chef was already asking to meet up after he got off of work that night anyway.  So Saturday as I was prepping my deeelish pear and honey sesame dressing with spicy walnuts salad [whoop whoop!], I decided to text The Streak to remind him of time and address.  I instantly got a text back: "Ah, shit. I am totally broken and not going to make it back into the city tonight. Sorry to bail like this. Early call tomorrow, going to hide out. Play soon?"
Yeah. Soon my ass. UGH.  It's like I'm dating the 7 demented dwarves, featuring:
No Filter-y.
Alas, the evening was a huge bowl o' fun, no mens necessary!  Truly an enchanted evening at BFWB's, and as our jam session was in full swing, something propelled BFWB to run into his room and return with this:
That's right, ladies. A flute.
I have never been so entertained.  And, The Chef decided to make a late-night appearance and was a nice compliment to the evening.  I no longer fear he things I'm his gf, and I'm just enjoying when we hang out because it is usually really fun.  He just has soooo much to learn and I have soooo little desire to teach. But some advice I can give The Chef: Cook for me, bitch, and I'll probably stick around longer. {Oh dear god, am I a dude?}

#36- Sunday night
And now we finally arrive at the end of our weekend, which culminated in a date with Almost Doc.  It was supposed to be a football-watching date, but he also bailed on that [seriously?] and asked if we could do dinner instead.  I obliged and he took me to sushi.  In Almost Doc's favor:
-He actually CALLS me. Frequently. [perhaps too frequently?]
-He has taken me on an actual dinner date, TWICE.
-He showers me in compliments and may be prematurely in love with me.
Okay, that last part was not in his favor. But I think [fear?] he really likes me. Like, a LOT.  Why am I not jumping for future doctor's wife joy here?  Meh.
This one needs SO much training, I just can't wrap my head around it.  
-Constantly saying inappropriate things.  
-Rushing things with me like he's trying to get down the aisle.  
-Prematurely calling me "baby." 
-Used words "make love" the other night. [Vomit. In. Mouth. x 1000]
-Asked me if I was on the pill and followed it up by asking how many days I "shed" for.  
Here is the place where some people in the medical profession have lost total track of the line between right and oh-so-wrong.
Soooo.....yeeeeeah.  I don't know what to do. With ANY of them really.  I am very glad this business trip is coming up, merely so I can let some of these situations fizzle like an Alka-Seltzer on a bad hangover day.

Stay tuned for:  
-an updated Line-up Flowchart
-a full report on Weds night's upcoming SoCal date
-Lindsey running away to join a convent and/or trying my hand at lesbianism, as it is surely easier and closer than nunnery.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Prayer for a Man

As I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man I wish to keep.

One who is cute with a smile to share,

Who makes me laugh without a care.

One who remembers to call when he can,

Who isn’t a boy—but truly a man.

I pray for him to be sincere and true,

To admit when he hasn’t got even a clue.

He’ll open the door and ask what I need,

Holding my hand and taking the lead.

Oh find me a man who’s not easily annoyed,

Has a good job and is gainfully employed.

A man who knows how to make me feel good,

Loving me as only he could.

I pray that this guy will have a heart of gold,

And that our love will grow as we get old.

I know you will find him before it’s too late,

So as for now I will patiently wait.