Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Homesick, Contentment, and Fulfillment

Music: Cannons by Phil Wickham

“The moon and the stars declare who you are..”

The past few weeks leading up to Spring Break my heart was extremely heavy. It longed for the country and nature and home. I was tired of all the concrete and lights and sidewalks, I wanted to be somewhere free and unrestricted. I wanted to see my mom and dad and little brother. I picture myself in the

front yard of my house just sitting there looking at the stars in amazement like I have so many times before. I remembered

laying on the trampoline with my Dad and talking about how big the universe is and how small Earth is. I wanted to see all my best friends, my family, my cat. The problem was I couldn’t go home. I had something school or activity-related every single weekend until a month after Spring Break.

One day my mom called me and she was even angry at me for not coming home in so long. I think she was just missing me like I was them, but either way it still made me even more homesick and lonely. I developed bitterness towards the city and where I was at. I began telling people how much I hated the city and how I couldn’t wait to graduate and leave this place. My heart just hurt for the place I called home.

Then came Spring Break. I went on a retreat to Colorado. Fresh air, springs, mountains, hiking trails, relaxed people, God, God, and God. What a refreshing time for my soul. God taught me so much my soul was overwhelmed with his goodness. Throughout everything he gave me a spirit of contentment and fulfillment. When I came back to Norman I felt so refreshed and full. I was happy to see this city. I felt like I had a big family here with all my friends from the BSU. I prayed for the city as soon as we pulled up, my heart had finally been moved so I could love this place too. I was completely fine with being there because i knew God had a purpose and a reason for placing me here at this time.

Next comes the best part—because we got home very late and I got zero work done over the break, I had previously planned on sleeping in Saturday morning, and then getting everything done around the apartment throughout the rest of the weekend. Mom and asked me one last time to come home, both of us knowing it probably wouldn’t happen. But before bed I prayed if it was God’s will he would help me get everything done earlier and give me time to go home.

The next morning I woke up after 10 wonderful hours of sleep, I had an extended quiet time, did my laundry and did as much of everything else as I could. By 2 o’clock I had checked off everything on my list, my roommates were still not home, and I was out of things to do. I took this as my sign. J So I through a couple things in a bag and hopped in my car for a surprise visit home!

On the way there I prayed adamantly that God would give me good strong QUALITY time with every person I encountered. I wanted to show everyone how much I loved and missed them, I wanted to show them that God cared for them as much as I did, and I wanted to show them how joyful I was to be there. I prayed that my focus would be on them, the people, and not just getting my errands and chores done.

Not surprisingly, God gave me what I asked for. He gave me lots and lots of wonderful sweet quality time with my parents, friends, and brother. Everyone I really cared about I got to talk to one-on-one and show them God’s love. It was the perfect end to a refreshing Spring Break. Just living and being with the ones I cherish the most. My spirit was overflowed with joy and happiness. My soul got to exhale even more that last 24 hours of my break.

I say this not to show you how blessed I am, or how great my Spring Break is, I show you this because it gives us insight to God’s heart. Remember the first of the story when I was longing for home and nature, I was unhappy where I was, I wasn’t letting God fill me, and my attitude began to show that? Sometimes we get that way about having a boyfriend or husband. We are unhappy, anxious, and impatient. The devil snatches us up by stealing our contentment. When we are not 100% relying on God it is easy to long for things we don’t have and belly-ache about the present setting. Again, this is a trick of the devil! God has a purpose for every time of our life and we are to fully take and grasp every second of it.

Ecclesiastes 5:7 says “Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.” Complaining about being single and constantly day dreaming about having a boyfriend or husband is meaningless. God says to focus on him. Keep HIM at the center of your thoughts and stop focusing on what isn’t yours. Matthew 22:37-38 “Jesus replied, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and the greatest commandment.”

When I got back from Colorado and my heart was fully relying on God, I was completely content with not going home. I was happy wherever God placed me, even in the city. Only when I found complete contentment in the Lord Jesus Christ was I able to go home. God isn’t going to give you the man of your dreams until you are completely content with being single and living for God. This is something I feel strongly about. He wants us to learn to be completely dependent and completely satisfied with him alone before he gives us what our heart truly desires. In Philippians 4:12 Paul says he learned the secret of being content in every situation. The secret is contentment! Not false contentment, but true 100% satisfaction with God alone.

The white board above my desk in my room at my apartment says, “I love you God. Even if you’re all I ever have.” This is a lifelong commitment, but it has taught me so much. If I can’t honestly read those words and mean them, I know I’m not living completely for God.

So trust God with your heart and he will give you what you need.