Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Pre-Relationship Guidelines

So yesterday I talked about the importance of making specific guidelines before a relationship in order to keep God first and maintain purity. Today I am going to share some examples of these guidelines. However, first I would like to explain 2 things.

  1. I am not saying that these are the "10 Commandments" of dating and if you don't do them you will die from HIV. I am sharing these with you all as suggestions so that you can make your own guidelines. Its not exactly the specific details that make it work, it's your motives behind it that allow it to honor God. If God is truly our main priority, as single women or as women in a relationship, we will do EVERYTHING we can to keep it that way. Hence, the boundaries.
  2. "Guidelines" and "Boundaries" usually carry a negative connotation. We don't tend to like them very much. BUT I want you to view boundaries in a relationship as something very positive and rewarding. Josh Harris compared it to the yellow lines on a highway. The lines are there to protect us from something very dangerous--the oncoming traffic. If we stay on our side we will be blessed by making it safely to our destination. However, if we risk it and drive on the other side of the lines, our chances of making it to our destination safely are very low. As I said yesterday, the more you deny yourself now, the more you will have to enjoy on your wedding night and for the rest of your life. :)
That being said, I am going to start off with boundaries for pre-relationships. Where I'm from they call it "talking." Urban Dictionary describes it as this:

talking631 up, 63 down

When two people are not exclusive with each other nor have established what they are as a couple, but have some sort of relationship.
"John and I go out a lot but we're just talking." or "We've been talking for months now but we're not together."
Now I could go into all the rights and wrongs of talking, but right now I'm not. For now, I am going to explain why we need boundaries even in this stage of a relationship.

  • First of all, ladies...have you ever noticed how quickly we get emotionally attached to guys? Have you noticed how much QUICKER we get attached to guys when they text us throughout the day?? Whether you admit or not, it's true! You know that when you see that phone light up with his name on it you get all excited and giddy on the inside! Don't lie! lol There is nothing strange about that, we all get that way, I promise.

This becomes a problem however, when there is no commitment involved. When we attach ourselves to a guy who has not even asked us to be his girlfriend, we are bluntly setting ourselves up for heartbreak. ...Just something to think about.

Soooo, if texting causes our heart to jump (opposite of what God tells us to do in Proverbs 4:23,) then we shouldn't do it. Remember yesterday and 1 Corinthians 6:18? FLEE from sexual immorality!! FLEE from it sister!! Not to long ago, I figured this one out, and so now I have decided if a guy texts me just to talk I am only going to answer once or twice, if he wants to talk to me more than that he can call or ask me out. This may seem rude or drastic, but this is what I personally have to do in order to guard my heart. Besides, a true man of God will take initiative and call you or ask you out. Texting is the easy way out for guys. (More on that later.)

  • My second guideline is to MAKE SURE I keep GOD, MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY, AND THE GIRLS I DISCIPLE FIRST!! His name comes way on down the list, ESPECIALLY if we're just talking or beginning our relationship. No guy should EVER come before the people who were already in your life. This means not ditching your family or changing your plans just because he calls and wants to hang out. PRIORITIES ladies!

  • Last but not at all least, I want to be completely transparent with my relationship. That means involving my disciplers, my parents, his disciplers, and his parents in our relationship. I want to be able to answer any questions girls have about my relationship without being guilty or embarrassed. Mark 4:22 NLT says this, "For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light." The bible also says we are to confess our sins to one another, we can only do this if we are completely open and honest with our disciplers.

We will discuss more on this topic tomorrow, but I really want you all to think about this today and perhaps come up with your own boundaries for talking. Submit them in to share with others if you would like! Love y'all and God Bless

Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."