Thursday, September 8, 2011

Alisson's Story-3

 (Continuing from Alisson's Story-2)

The next day I was having lunch with some friends from church. I told them what was on my heart and how God was moving. Sadly, they told me I was crazy and that Tate was perfect for me.
Yes, Tate would have been perfect for me, if he had been God’s perfect choice.  But I was beginning to realize he wasn’t much of a spiritual leader at all...

Now, the reason my “church friends” didn’t understand was because they weren’t currently digging into the Word themselves. (I urge you guys when seeking Godly counsel, be wise who you go to and make sure they have scripture backing up their thoughts on that subject.)  

After hearing this from my friends I became sick to my stomach! I was deeply hurt by what they were saying! As soon as I came home I started digging deep into Gods word! I read verses like Psalm 20:6-7, Mathew 6:33, and Proverbs 3:5-6 all which told me to TRUST and SEEK God!

 A few hours later I started having trouble with my heart. I’ve had problems with me heart for about two years now, but no cardiologist knows what’s wrong with me. Normally this is when Tate would comfort me. He would tell me everything was going to be ok and he would hold me in his arms. This made me very uneasy about everything, all I knew was I wanted Tate and our old relationship back. I didn’t care anymore.
So I called Tate and we talked. He knew something was wrong and I had told him about my heart and what I was going through with him not leading me spiritually! 

Before I called him, I was so upset I wrote him a letter and read it to him over the phone to him. It said:
Tate, where do I begin, you make me so frustrated! I have so much anger inside of me I feel like I’m about to burst from the inside. Why can’t you change? Why is it so hard to talk to you about God? Why can’t you lead me spiritually? I feel miserable; I just could never admit it to myself! I told you once already how important it is to me to be lead spiritually. I need to be lead spiritually and you need to be in the Word. I love you so much …..You have my heart…..But God doesn’t agree! I miss you all the time…I miss your hugs, your kisses, and your arms wrapped around me for security. But I don’t need security from you, I need it from my Lord. Tate, I am falling to pieces…
Then I asked him to pray for me and for us, he answered with words I will never forget.  He said, “If you want a man like that then you are going to have find someone else!”   Rapidly my thoughts began to run wild, this is the same man who just told me he was deploying to Libya in 6 months and begged me not to leave him. This is the same man who I had asked to lead me spiritually and he said he would work on it and rededicated his life 2 months later. This was the man I was thinking about marrying! How could he say that?  Did he know how badly he just hurt me? I was crushed.
He told me how stupid I was and said things I’d never even heard my worst enemy say.  He told me I was worthless and that I would never have a bright future. When I got off the phone I went to see Julie. I walked in her room and she immediately knew what had happened. She met me, gave me hug and then we sat down and talked...

(More to follow...)

I don't know about you, but I too have had a similar experience to this.  In high school I called my serious boyfriend to tell him I was going to follow hard after God.  He laughed in my face and told me he was sleeping with my best friend at that moment.  Sometimes we trust people just because they are conveniently there.  At the time I felt like it was the end of the world.  I felt like I was completely alone, but that's when God stepped in. :) 
Is there something that's been cutting in to your time with God?  Has he laid it on your heart to give up something or someone in order to better follow him?  Have you experienced the freedom in letting go?  Or the pain of disobedience?