Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dating story #69, No, I'm not dead.

"Lindsey, did you lose the password to your own blog?"


Here's the low dizzown from LindseyTown. 

In the past few months, I haven't written because I've been

I'm still those things right now, however I DO have a little time to write. I'm just in a bit of a conundrum. 

I actually LIKE someone.

I've been "seeing" this person for almost 2 months now, and I feel like blogging about it is going to "jinx" it or something.

I know, I know.  That's stupid right?

Keep your opinions to yourself!

No, sorry. I have no idea if it's stupid or not.  But this isn't your normal, run-of-the-mill dating situation. [why would it be? It is ME we're talking about, after all]. Also, this guy is incredibly tech-savvy and lord knows if he's already found this blog or not. It's pretty well hidden but that means nothing to the internet hacker genius eggheads of the world. 

It's a mostly abnormal dating sitch because I thought this, like many others, was just going to be a fun, flirty visit to Flingtown, USA.  Apparently, so did he, since on the second time we hung out--the first being a wild night of open bars wherein he got blackout drunk, was thrown in a cab home by some moronical guy friends and proceeded to lose his iPhone. Yeah-- so that second time I made some joke about us having to get along since we have a mutual friend (which isn't, btw, the way we met ironically!) and he immediately said:
HIM: "Whoa, well I'm going to business school in a year so I'm not looking for anything serious."
ME:  "Whoa whoa whoa- you don't know anything about me. So, umm...chill out. Can we just have fun?"

But of course, his words have haunted me ever since the relationship started to evolve.  And also, so fucking what if you're going to B-school in a year?  
When one goes off to B-school, do they also DIE and/or cease to exist anymore?
I chose to ignore that and focus more on his actions, which have been inconsistently consistent.  

Yeah. I'm scared. I'm freaking a little. I haven't really liked anyone in so long.
But I know exactly what to do here: nada.

It's really an excellent practice in being patient, playing it cool, and doing all the things I've tried and been horribly unsuccessful at since I've been writing this blog.  

So, everyone send some good ju ju out to the universe for me and hopefully I'll have some happy stories to tell.  
Or, some really awful ones.
Either way, you guys WIN! 

And, as a reward, here's another interesting story!
We all remember SoCal, right? [Duh].
Hard to believe I met him almost a year ago and have been sporadically seeing him since. The last I saw him was at my beach house over the summer.  We had a super fun day and that was pretty much it.  Which, was really fine by me. After all, I've contemplated moving him into the friend zone several times.
Anyho, just before Halloween I reached out to him since I had some concert tix I couldn't use and, since he's my concert dude, I thought maybe he'd want them. Turns out he couldn't go, but said we should meet up for a drink soon.  So, even though I had started seeing the aforementioned guy [who I have not given a blog name to, did you notice?], I figured I could use a distraction. Plus I was still keen on making the friend zone transition and thought maybe that could happen on this occasion.  However, after him being at soccer practice he texted me that he was exhausted and on the couch watching tv. He asked whether I wanted to come over there and just chill with him or reschedule.  I was also exhausted from 3 hours of band rehearsal and also wanted to avoid his apartment and any potential situations there, so we decided to raincheck it.  
Cut to Thanksgiving.
I'm home in Texas.
DYING to receive comm from guy I like and, upon not getting any, became a rabid social media stalker. [Oy.]
So I happened to come across some pics SoCal posted on FB and I went to his page to see more.  Lo and behold, what did I find there???
"SoCal is in a relationship with FakeBoobs McCougar!"
[Do you like my name for her? I do!]
um...secondly, WHAT!
a) He has a GF?

I was dying over this.  Not because I, in any way, shape or form, wish to be the person in the relationship with him. But mostly because I just didn't think that would happen. Anytime soon, or ever.
Now, FakeBoobs McCougar has appeared in some FB activity for quite awhile. Mostly starting in the Spring. And, she even popped up in a text message when he was out at the beach with me over the summer. (Not stalking, his iPhone just popped up with the text and I was sitting next to it.)
So, I worked on wrapping my head around that which proved to be an interesting distraction from my yearning for comm from you-know-who.
Anyway, by the time I got back to NYC sunday I started becoming desperate since I have yet ANOTHER set of concert tix I couldn't use since I will be in VEGAS visiting MIM that weekend! 
After several failed attempts to sell on Craigslist and to other concert loving friends, I decided it was time to contact SoCal. Plus I figured, hey! He can take his FB Official GF to it!
Upon texting him to see if he wanted the tix, he responded:
HIM: "I don't know them. Are they any good? Let's meet for drinks this week and you can fill me in."
I was not expecting that!
Color me unbelievably intrigued. 
Does he want to sit me down and officially tell me about his GF (even thought FB already told me that)?
Does he just want to catch up?
Will he try to make a move on me, like a total sleazeball?
Oh the possibilities!!!
So obvi, I'm going.  And, it's TONIGHT.
If curiosity killed the cat, I must be some kind of mountain lion 'cause I am soo curious about this I cannot wait!  
Does this make me a sad, sad person?
Who. The. Hell. Cares.
Please note, I have no desire to be anything more than friends with him at this point, especially considering what's currently going on in my life.  But you can bet your sweet bippy's that I'm not gonna bring up the GF thing first!  
Alas, dear readers, (if there are, in fact, ANY of you still out there!) we will have to wait until tomorrow to see what this is about.

Sorry for the radio silence. 
Thanks for missing me. 
I missed you too.

Despite several attempts to sell these on craigslist 

Love and Respect

Ephesians 5:33
"However, each one of you also must
love his wife as he loves himself,
and the wife must respect the husband."

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote an entire book over this one tiny verse.  The biblical insight and wisdom found within this verse and book is astounding.  The essential fundamentals of marriage are found within this verse, yet we have seemed to overlook it for the past two-hundred years.

In Eggerich's book, Love and Respect, he explains that unconditional love for the wife is a common concept.  Wives all over the country quickly agree that this is biblical and it should without a doubt be practiced within marriage.  Unconditional respect, on the other hand, scares wives to death, and has never been discussed in church, the home, or the marriage.

Despite its lack of popularity, the last part of Ephesians 5:33 says, "the wife must respect the husband."  This means unconditional respect for the husband is a biblical command.  Love and Respect explains that men and women speak two very different languages, (this is no surprise,) he feels most alive and appreciated when he is respected, where as she feels most alive and appreciated when she is loved.

Although these two concepts seem to overlap with similarity, the demonstration and verbalization of each is very different.  This is where Eggerichs lays out two simple acronyms to help wives and husbands practically apply the Love and Respect model to their lives.  (More notes on that soon.)

Dr. Eggerichs explains what he calls, "The Crazy Cycle," which explains without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love.  This is why couples find themselves fighting over the smallest and silliest of things.  

To combat The Crazy Cycle, couples must get on "The Energizing Cycle," which says, his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.  The scary part is that one person within the couple has to step forward and apply the process first.  This is why it is often so hard for people to get on The Energizing Cycle, yet those following Christ wholeheartedly will find it essential to their walk.

The end of the book wraps everything by explaining that the ultimate goal is not respecting your husband so you can get what you want, but respecting him so you can honor Christ and gain a reward in heaven.  The same goes for husbands who love their wives.

Love and Respect is an amazing book that many counselors require for marriage counseling.  I recommend the book to any married couple, whether their marriage is horrible, average, or wonderful.  Eggerichs has amazing biblical truths in this book that every couple should read about.  Not only is it biblical, but scientific too.  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has conducted hours of research, surveys, and academic papers over this very subject.  After reading the book, I trust his opinion and found truths very much.  Check out for a copy today! :)

Also check out my former post: the Love and Respect video

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Is there really such thing as "Taking it Slow?"

I while back I had several of my close Christian friends reassure me that their relationship was 100% focused on God.  How do they reassure me?  With the ever-frightening phrase, "We're just taking it slow."

I always sigh in disappointment as I read the text with that phrase in it.  Taking it slow.  Taking it slow compared to what??  A worldly relationship?  Because all that means is that you haven't slept together yet.

Let me explain a few things that have really helped me grasp the nature of relationships.  First of all, relationships are progressional.  That means it's a one way street.  Relationships are constantly moving forward.  There is no backwards, even if you break up and go back out again, you will still be starting where you left off.

Think about it.  Every relationship has the same basic rules of progression.  Initial attraction, extensive talking, friendly physical touch, and so on and so on.  The most common relationship I see at my age and generation is the deceitful "talking" relationship.  This is what the majority of Christians consider a slow relationship, however they are completely wrong.

I'm not sure if this is a regional term, so I will explain.  Talking is when a couple shows sincere interest in one another but they don't necessarily want to make the commitment of a dating relationship.  Therefore they hang out together, talk on the phone in mass amounts, and text each other fairly often.  I guess the term comes from the idea that most of the relationship is based on talking rather than doing.

The problem with this is that it's not at all slow, and it's not at all safe, especially when you're talking about guarding your heart.  A texting conversation is like being completely alone with another person.  You have freedom to talk about whatever you want without fear of anyone walking in, asking questions, or interrupting.  Each party has more control this way because the conversation only changes by what is typed.

  Facial expressions, initial reactions, and surrounding distractions are put away and out of mind in this situation.  That leaves your heart right there in the open for the other person's entertainment.  Would you spend 16 hours a day in an empty closet facing this person face to face in conversation?  Would you share the things you have shared with them if you had been face to face?

No.  Truth is that we all feel more comfortable and confident through writing.  Ask any professional writing student and they will tell you that they are most vulnerable when they are on paper.  In real life they are quiet, shy, and reserved.  Writing is an escape to share your true feelings and ideas, whether that writing is through journaling, blogging, letters, Facebook, or texting.

Just like you and your resume, a person who presents themselves through writing is giving you part truth and part fictional character to some degree.  This is why so many young couples do better "talking" than they do actual dating and hanging out together.  It's much easier and less complicating to fall in love with a fictional character.  50% of it is what your mind makes it.

Secondly, because relationships are progressional, there is no such thing as slow.  All relationships have one of two outcomes: marriage or break-up.  They are all headed towards one of these two ends.  Now because I don't know anyone who willingly walks into failure and heartache, I'm going to assume you did not know this.

With that being said, let's stop and ask ourselves a few questions.
  • Are you ready to get married right now?
  • Can you support yourself and a house payment financially?
  • Are you finished living for yourself as an independent individual?  Tired of going out with the girls every Saturday night and staying out as long as you want?
  • Have you finished school and all the adventurous, silly things you want to do before settling down?
  • Do you have a place to live?  Can you fully afford the bills, groceries, and necessities?
  • Are you completely joyful with God and only God, or do you feel empty?
  • Have you found your soul and healed your wound?
Then why are you looking for marriage?
Better yet, why are you consumed with dating?

God can heal whatever hole that is within you.  Take your loneliness, pain, hurt, and discontentment to him first, not another human being.  Matthew 6:33

Talking is the modern version of dating.  It's uncommitted, adulterated heart exposure that leads to heartbreak and counterfeit bonding.  As my good Lord says, please guard your heart.  Prov 4:23  It's too precious not too.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Matthew 6:33

Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  The principle of this verse should be the theme of your life.  As you can tell by the tag line, this blog is based on this principle, and I guarantee you that every post will in some way point you back to God.  I write this way because I know that everything else is useless.  Knowledge without truth is useless.  Love without God is lust.  Life lived for self is a waste.

So much of our life we spend worrying about the next chapter or wondering how this or that will play out.  We consume ourselves with the worldly things, rather than instantly giving them to God  (John 17:15-16.)  Many people ask me for dating advice but then turn there backs on it, claiming it was too hard.

This is because it is unnatural.  God didn't ask us to date in and of the world like non-Christians do.  Everything you see on TV, at the club, with your friends...this is the world's way of dating, and as a life-committed follower of Christ, you were called to be more than that, why?  Because you are called to seek God FIRST.  

When we seek God more than popularity, status, comfort from a close friend, love from the opposite sex, sex from the opposite sex, family, friends, and EVERYTHING else, then and only then will our lives, purpose, and heart fall into place.  I'm not saying you will self-destruct if you put something before God, but I am saying your life will be more chaotic because of it.

Most Christians today are half in and half out.  I think it is because the calling to take up your cross daily is a hard one.  It's not something natural or easy, so most people try it for a few days, months, or weeks, and then give up because the cross is too much to bare, but the calling only becomes too much when we begin to take our eyes off of the one who gave us the cross.  

When worries hit your mind, temptation stings your flesh, and defeat is in your spirit, take a look at your focus. It's probably a few marks off of the bulls eye, which is Christ.  When we are careful to move our focus back to Him one hundred and ten percent, everything else falls back into the background.

So how do we get our focus back on Christ?
Spend an extended amount of time in prayer.  Ask God to reveal the focus of your heart.  Start by praying about whatever comes to mind.  Pretty soon you will find yourself praying about a particular person or circumstance extensively.  More than likely this is the root of your problem, the incident that shifted your focus.

Commit that "thing" to God, not only in your prayer but in the depths of your heart.  Promise yourself that if you begin worrying, fantasizing, or wondering about this "thing" again, that you will quote a verse referring you back to God, or pray for God to once again take the "thing" out of your focus.

Next, get in the Word and hear what God has to say to you.  God is always ready to help us and talk to us about our life-altering drama we encounter from day to day.  Many times we will even pray to him to help us with this drama, but how many times do you actually give him a turn to talk?  One way God speaks to us is through the Bible.  Reading the Word of God should be a daily activity in your life.  If you are always talking and doing and thinking, when does God have a chance to respond?

Start with a devotional book from the nearest bookstore, or try this website for free online devos or this one for a short and sweet starter  However you choose to begin getting in the word, make it a commitment and a part of your everyday routine.  It should be as natural as asking your loved one about their day.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


This is what it's all about.  Jesus died for us so we could experience his never ending love every day of our life. He loves you so much more than any earthly thing or person.  Please give him your feminine heart this morning as you soak in this love song from the Prince.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Love and Respect for the Married Folk

This is an extremely important message from a wonderful book I just started by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  Love and Respect explains deep biblical truths about marriage and the conflicts that couples face daily within marriage.  In this short segment Eggerichs explains "the crazy cycle" of marriage and how to defeat this cycle with biblical truths from Ephesians 5:33.

Friday, November 18, 2011

10 Tips for Teens Article

Here is a great article by Best Dating  Although I don't think this is advice for teenagers necessarily, it is still good advice to those thinking about getting engaged.  Hope you enjoy this.

10 Tips for Teens Before Meeting Their Date's Dad

Meeting a date’s dad for the first time can be a very stressful event for teenagers. Listed below I have included ten tips for teens before meeting their date’s dad; that will work for both guys and girls.
  1. Clean Up. First impressions are everything to a dad. Before you meet him, make sure that your appearance is neat, clean and well groomed. If you come in looking scruffy, he is sure to make a bad judgment from that. Dress conservative, but proper for the event.
  2. Turn Off Your Phone. If you are going to meet your date’s dad, you really should be turning off your phone. The last thing he wants to see is how fast you can text. Also, if it is turned off you will be less likely to get tempted to answer or look at it during your meeting.
  3. Do Your Homework. Find out a little about your date’s dad prior to meeting him for the first time. Then you will have time to learn more about the subjects he is interest in, and can strike up a conversation that appeals him.
  4. Research the Past. Find out from your date what their dad thought of his/her past boyfriends/girlfriends. This will give you a chance to gauge how he will treat you, and what to expect when meeting for the first time.
  5. Prepare for Grilling. Just like you would do for a job interview, think of questions that may come up. Be prepared to answer awkward questions and have a prepped response for anything you are not comfortable talking about.
  6. Find Out if He Has Allergies. The last thing you want to do, when walking in to meet your date’s dad, is set him off on an allergic reaction. If he has an allergy to dogs, make sure you stay away from Rover before going to meet him.
  7. Be On Time. Nothing says slacker more than someone who is running late. You want to impress the dad with promptness, not repel him by making him wait.
  8. Avoid Disagreements. You can quickly turn off your date’s dad by arguing, criticizing or embarrassing your date. While you should always treat your date with respect, this is the time to be on your very best behavior.
  9. Humor. You will definitely want to show your date’s dad that you have a sense of humor. However, this is not the time to make political, religious, or off color, rude jokes. Keep your remarks clean and tasteful.
  10. Do Not Complain. This is not the time to complain about all the things that bother you about your date. He is after all, the dad, and probably already knows all his child’s faults. If you complain about your date’s behavior in any way, you are essentially telling his/her dad that they did a bad job raising their child.
The biggest things to remember when meeting your date’s dad is; be prepared, be on your best behavior, and most of all, do not, I repeat, do not mention any of your previous dates!

For more:

Thursday, November 17, 2011

It's Not Flesh and Blood

To sum up everything God's been teaching me this week, I think the phrase from Ephesians 6:12 says it perfectly.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood..."

Again, I am praying that you understand the importance and reality of spiritual warfare.  John 8:44 says Satan is the father of lies.  Every battle starts as a small lie Satan whispers in your ear.  At that moment you have the choice to either confront that lie with prayer and scripture, or believe that lie and entertain the thought.  If you choose the first option, Satan will back off, at least momentarily.  Don't be fooled though, he will be back.

The second option, on the other hand, will lead to a snowball effect.  That small, simple lie will grow and grow and grow until it effects every area of your life, including your relationships with other people.  This is how Satan accomplishes his plan to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10.)

An older girl who discipled me once taught me the acronym HALT.  We become more vulnerable to Satan's attacks when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.  I was also taught by a speaker that Laziness leads to Lust.  So go ahead add laziness to that acronym and we will call it HALLT.  Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Lazy, Tired.  Now let's apply that to this week's phrase.

  • When you're HUNGRY...the battle is not against flesh and blood.  I know we've all seen the Snicker's commerical where the guy is acting like a diva because he's hungry.  His friends get fed up with him so they hand him a snickers and he is instantly back to himself again.  This commercial is so funny to us because it's true.  We have all been that cranky, snappy person one time or another because we were hungry.  If you don't know what I'm talking about watch a little kid skip snack time.

    Anyhow, the point is, your friends aren't your enemies at this point.  Your mom telling you to straighten up is not the problem, and no not even your hunger is the problem.  The problem is satan told you a lie that it's okay for you to be selfish when you don't get what you want instantly, (which happens to be food at this point.)
  • When you're LONELY...the battle's NOT against flesh and blood.  As I pointed out in my post  Preparing for War, the holiday's always bring about a new set of struggles for singles.  Often times satan uses the lie of singleness as our excuse to snap back at other people, usually a mom or sibling.  We think that it's our friends fault for rubbing it in our face, but in all reality, the struggle's not against flesh and blood.  Rebuke the first negative thought with thankful prayer (Phil 4:6,) and scripture to confront the lie (Eph 6:17.)
I could go on explaining the other words from the acronym, but I think you understand my point.  Almost every battle is spiritual, and it can always be traced back to a lie that Satan has placed in our heads.  The lie can come in the form of a thought, a comment from someone else, a song lyric, or something from a movie, just recognize that it comes from an outward source (a thought that is not yours is an outward source.)

Train yourself to catch these thoughts instantly and fight them.  Memorize scripture pertaining to the issues you struggle with, then quote them when tempted.  Pray in the spirit on all occaisions (1 Thess. 5:17.)  Thank God for what you do have when Satan points out what you don't. (1 Thess. 5:18.)  And stand strong warrior!  Our God has already won the big war, so be faithful to fight the small battles in the day to day for the victory of our King.  

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Making the Stand

If I can write a post to the girls in their vulnerability, I think I owe the guys something too.  Especially because I just finished reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  Yes, it is the male version of the book I mentioned in  my last post.  (Just so you know, the male version came first.)

Wild at Heart has taught me that just as women have been deeply wounded in their femininity, so have men been wounded in their masculinity.   Again, I will not go into all the details, for they are in this book which I so highly recommend reading.  The point I want to make, is that you will never be the man God designed you to be if you don't let him heal your wound.

The similarity on both the male and female side of things, is that the process of healing for both is hard, painful, and revealing.  You're looking into the depths of your heart for crying out loud, it should be painful.  The preciousness that lies within your soul is the key to all things male.  Everything you dreamed of as a boy, and everything you hope to be for your (future) wife, family, and kids is in this deeply treasured place.  Don't mistake my words, men and women are very different, but the journey to finding self is equally painful.

So why do it if it's painful?  Because you are what this world needs.  You are the MAN she's been waiting for.  You are the leader, the fighter, the powerful lover that the church has waited for.  Your son needs you so he won't walk through life wounded.  Your daughter needs you so she won't look for love elsewhere.  And your wife needs you to fight for her, thus unveiling her beauty.

I realize many of you reading this are single, that's all the more reason to fight for your soul now.  God designed you to be this man from the beginning.  Find that man now, so when the beauty comes along you will have the love and confidence to fight for her with a holy passion and protection.  The movie and song Courageous have spoken out on this need.  The people in your life speak out on it everyday, only you don't realize it, and they probably don't either.

The truth is, you hold a special place as a man.  From a woman's point of view I can definitely say that we need you, we urge you, and we want you to step up for us and lead the way.  Spiritually you have such an adventure to grasp, and I hope you choose to take the hard path of discovery into being THE man God made you to be.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

J. Crew: The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook

We all knew it was inevitable didn’t we?

We just had to talk about it.

J. Crew.

Now, for veteran J. Crew shoppers I could have just said the name of the store and ended the post. There is nothing more I can say.

However, this post is for potential and/or rookie J. Crew shoppers. Before you set foot into this obelisk of fashion, there are a few things you need to know.

1.   J. Crew names their clothes.

The “Betsy” blazer. The “Anna” pant. “Jenna’s” cashmere boyfriend cardigan.

Why is that a problem you ask? Well…If they name their ankle cut “perfect for every day of the week” black pants something like Darcy, it automatically makes you think of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and then you have to buy it…

Clothes that have names makes them more endearing and if you don’t buy them it’s like staring at a lost fluffy baby kitten. You have to buy it.  It has a name. It has feelings! So while our tender hearts gently carry the item to checkout, corporate J. Crew reels in the Benjamins.


Because every fairytale needs a villain doesn’t it? So remember, while you’re walking around the perfectly lit store with its comfortingly perfumed air and saintly colored and textured fabrics, remember there is a scoundrel afoot.
The cash registrar.

Don’t be deceived my young rookie shopper. The cashiers decked in perfect J. Crew outfits with their perfectly cut bangs are about to utter something truly hideous.

2. Your total.

Who knew numbers could be painful?

But let’s be honest ladies, pain is beauty. Pain is beauty.

3. And then there’s the “personal shopper” option. Someone to do the shopping for you? That’s like baking a cake and then hiring someone to eat it.

4. Let’s not even mention the 13 emails a week you get from the store. I try to squint as I delete them so that I don’t accidently see something I didn’t even know I needed and go ahead and spend two weeks worth of groceries with one simple click of the mouse.

J. Crew. The shrine of beauty, the bane of my checkbook.

Keep shopping,

Char and Gertie

p.s.  There is this delicious blog dedicated to all things J. Crew. It tells you when sales are, gives discounts, and tells you what fabulous outfit you should wear to your next “holiday party”. Dang it. There goes my next pay check….

Monday, November 14, 2011

Take Me Into the Beautiful

Take Me Into the Beautiful-Cloverton (lyrics at bottom)

I've heard this song on the radio a thousand times and I've always claimed that I loved it, and it is indeed a great song.  The last few days God has been really working in my heart showing me things here and there that I need to work on.  As he's been leading me through a healing transformation process, this song has been playing in the back of my head over and over.  Usually that means something, especially because I couldn't even sing the words (I only knew the beat and "la la la la something about Beautiful.")  I also hadn't heard the song in a week or so, so I knew it had to be of God.

This morning I sat down and listened to the song while reading the lyrics.  Wow, so powerful.  It really captures the essence of a woman, and how she was made in the image of God, his softer side.  Many of you have read the book Captivating by Stasi and John Elderedge.  If you haven't read it, you really should.  The book's subtitle is "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul," which is exactly what God has been showing me lately.  Yes, I've read the book 5 times through, I found my identity in Christ largely because of it.  But God showed me something altogether new this time.  It started in my daily life and led me back to this old book of mine.  How important this lesson was.

Around chapter 4, the book explains that each and every one of us have been wounded, hurt, and broken throughout our lives.  This wound usually takes place at a very young age, as we grow up this wound becomes the biggest lie of our lives.  We walk by the definition of this lie instilled in us as young girls.  Now, I won't go into great detail about where the wound comes from or how it effects us, because that is precisely what the book is for.  Rather, today I am going to emphasize the importance of letting Jesus heal our wounds.

A woman healed is vulnerable.  I do not mean this in a sexual way, nor do I mean to contradict everything I've said about guarding your heart.  When I say vulnerable, I am speaking of a softness that comes from a woman who has been healed, sanctified, and cherished by her loving father and creator.  Look at the first verse of the song we just heard:

Take me into the beautiful, won't You take me back again
With a love unexplainable, come fill up this dry land
Let it open our eyes to see a world we've never seen
Let it open our hearts up to feel You inside of us
You're here inside of me.

This beauty, this vulnerability, love, and mercy comes from God.  When we are set free in his love, we are set free to love others with an open and unrestricted heart.  Do you love like this?  Is your beauty flowing out to those who most need love?  Do you show people the mercy of God through your actions and words?  Perhaps you need to heal a deep wound.

Guess Who's Prowlin!

Last week I posted Preparing for War! and Preparing for War!! Pt 2 in which I spoke of the spiritual warfare surrounding us as the holidays draw near.  After this morning's events however, I feel the need to reiterate this lesson.

I don't know about you, but Sunday nights are always the hardest for me to fall asleep.  I often hear many college kids say this too.  I don't think this is a coincidence.  After every spiritual high, Satan stands right there ready to attack.  Sundays for the most part, provide people with a boost of spiritual energy.  At the end of the day we're usually feeling pretty good about ourselves and the rest of the week, and Satan knows that.  Therefore, he makes it his goal to knock us down.  How? One of the biggest ways he does this is by robbing us of our sleep!  Although I recognize this trick, I still went to sleep an hour later last night, but when I woke up I found that my friends didn't have it quite so easy.

3 text messages and a phone call at 3:30 last night.  Tell me Satan wasn't up prowling around! (1 Peter 5:8)  Three different friends, three different situations, all were at a sincere low when they contacted me.  Now, I keep my phone on silent at night so I didn't receive these until the following morning at 6 a.m.  Of the three, two of them had just gone to bed when I was waking up at 6, and the other one was still awake...worrying about everything from his parent's divorce to his failing classes.

Please recognize this as Satan's workings.  When we are sleep-deprived we are more vulnerable to Satan's schemes.  This is why God created us to rest in the first place (Genesis 2:2-3.)  In Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge he makes the point that as Christians, we live in two worlds at the same time: the physical, and the spiritual.  One is just as real as the other, yet we shrug it off so easily as if it weren't important.  The truth is, we are at WAR presently!!  2 Corinthians 10:3 says, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does."

You hear that? Wage war.  That means we're called to stand up and fight, presently!  Now.  Galatians 6:13 "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."  Fight the battle!  Every single thought that is not of Christ needs to be demolished (2 Cor. 10:5.)  That means watching what goes into your ears, eyes, and brain throughout the day.

Do the books you read help Satan get a foothold in your life?  Does the music you listen to encourage you to stand or fall?  Are the people in your life speaking truth to you or are they causing you to waver in your faith?  

Romans 12:21
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Friday, November 11, 2011

Communication, a girl's best friend


Alright ladies, I do not write this post to badger with more relationship chatter but just indulge. Please.
We hear all the time about how a relationship is based on communication, communication, and more communication. Personally, this makes sense, but the horror lies in the fact that this responsibility lies on the female. I don’t think that this trait is present in the male mind-I would like to be proven wrong.

Here are the definitions of the many types of “male communicators”.

These are in no order of importance. All are equally lame.

1.        The Messenger Pigeon: a guy who tells his friend to tell your friend to tell you to come watch their basketball game. This guy will literally send a messenger pigeon to your door before he will talk to you face to face.
2.        The Techno Turd: Facebook, Twitter, texting, instant messaging, and e-mail are all a favorite for this go getter. He is not afraid to talk as long as his fingers are doing the work.
3.       The Silent Stallion: (Ideal for a date). Easily defined. He is silent.
4.        The Ambiguous Amateur: this guy is always eager to make plans. Examples: “We should do something soon.” “Oh, you like tennis? We should play sometime!” or “I will call you this weekend.” All sound promising but lead to let down because this guy has no idea what he is doing.
5.       The Freaky Fiasco: these are the guys you catch staring. Now I will be the first to admit that it is flattering to catch a guy stealing a second peek as he walks by. But this guy knows no limits. He lingers and he stares. No one knows exactly what he is communicating….

Maybe it is left for us to communicate. Let’s be real, are DTR’s ever started by a male?

Big kiss, little kiss, big hug, little hug,

Char and Gert

Luke 15

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

TLC: Weird, Weirder, and Weirdest


It’s disgusting how much we like this t.v. channel. When the creators of TLC sat down together to think of what they’d like to have their channel be about, I’m pretty sure the consensus was to make sure that everything that happened needed to be eccentric.  And then the next time they met they thought, “How can we make this next season even weirder?”

And. We. Love. It.

The reason we like it so much is because the people on the show are nothing like us.
 It’s a constant parade of peculiar behavior and we eat it up like a berry parfait.

Let’s review 4 of the shows:

What not to wear
Two consultants, Stacy and Clinton, take people who have been voted by their friends and family as having the ugliest wardrobe in the country. Like fairy godmothers, they turn these sad, saggy, sloppy people into confident, beautiful happy people. It’s like Cinderella but without the singing mice.

Four weddings
Four brides duke it out to have the most fabulous wedding and the winner gets a killer honeymoon. While one of the four brides walks down the aisle, the other three sit in the crowd and talk about how her dress isn’t that cute, the buffet food was a little salty, and the reception hall was too cold. But the three critics are soon put on the pedestal and judged just as harshly at their own weddings.

There is something deliciously wrong about rating other people’s weddings.
And as Spinsters, we get to do it on a regular basis.

Say yes to the dress
Kleinfelds: A wedding dress store in Manhattan. Hundreds of high maintenance girls from all over the country coming in with daddy’s checkbook. Dress selection. Unlimited budgets. Alterations mayhem.  Tears. Happy Endings.

Could this show get any better? But once again, we love this show because we are nothing like these prima donnas. They throw fits because their wedding dress budget is only $18,000? It’s like a train wreck. We can’t look away. We all love Randy too. 

Extreme couponing
These people don’t use their garages because they have three years worth of toothbrushes, dish soap, deodorant, Halloween candy, bottled water and other miscellaneous objects organized into neat dividers from floor to ceiling. Look around the room you’re sitting in right now, find an object, and they probably have a million of it. The extreme couponers will go to registers with over $2,000 dollars worth of stuff and end up paying $3.29.  I find myself internalizing the show and thinking, “I need to start clipping coupons!” but then I realize I have to go to the post office, return an ugly sweater to Old Navy that I accidently bought and write a paper for my humanities class that is due tomorrow (it was assigned 3 weeks ago. Why do I always leave things to the last second?! What was I doing for those 3 weeks?!?)
Oh yeah…watching extreme couponing.

Happy watching!

Gertie and Char

NBA Lockout: An answer to a Spinster’s prayers

Since there is so much news running around about the NBA lockout, we thought we’d share our professional opinion on the subject.

Something about millions.

Something about billions.

Something about every weekend night suddenly wide open for males ages 18-180.

What we’re trying to explain ladies is our prayers have been answered.

No more men getting together to “watch the game” while you sit at home waiting for their phone call, no more trying to keep eye contact with your date while he looks over your shoulder trying to see what “the score is” on the tv blaring in the background of the restaurant, no more mood swings after their team loses….

Needless to say, it’s a beautiful thing.

Now we’re not saying we hate basketball or sports in general. We’ve even been seen at professional sports games with a churro in hand. All we’re trying to say is that the 1,429 hours that men used to spend watching pre-game shows, the game, halftime reports, and post game shows are a thing of the past.

Goodbye ESPN, HELLO Friday night dates.

Always cheering you on,

Gertie and Char 

Preparing to be a Help-Meet: Book Review

      I am often asked of good Christian dating books to recommend to younger girls.  Recently I finished reading a very interesting book by Debi Pearl called Preparing to be a Help-Meet.  If you have a dating-interested teen that doesn’t necessarily like reading, and has no older girl showing her what a godly relationship looks like, I would definitely recommend this book.  For older girls however I would suggest something else.

     “Preparing to be a Help-Meet” is a 227 page book written to single women who await the writing of their love story.  Pearl uses eighteen chapters to tell nine real-life love stories.  Some are godly examples of what to do and others are examples of what not to do.  Throughout the book insights from the three different type of men (explained in chapter 3) which show the male point of view of Pearl’s advice.  I would say the overall theme of the book is practical advice for young women waiting to marry.

     The book also includes an in-depth bible study with step by step instructions for teachers in the back.  This would be extremely helpful for anyone leading a group bible study for the first time.  Pearl gives specific details from setting the scene to applying practical homework.

     The author Debi Pearl, is also the writer of a monthly magazine entitled No Greater Joy.  Her and her husband started No Greater Joy Ministries in which they published their first book, To Train up a Child, in August of 1994.  Her husband Michael has been a pastor, missionary, and evangelist for over 40 years.

     The book is wonderful in that it gives very practical advice, such as learning to manage time and money, learning cooking, cleaning, and mechanical skills, and respecting and obeying authorities presently in your life as training for marriage.  Young minds can be expanded as the reader travels through nine stories from all sorts of women, relationships, and outcomes.  Finally, the layout of the book provides an easy and fun way to learn about Christian relationships.

     One of the most disappointing features of the book is the poorly written content.  Although the author’s ideas are valuable, they don’t come across as clearly as intended due to poor organization, editing, and grammar.  As a fellow studier of relationships, I was also disappointed that the book did not in emphasize the importance of guarding a young woman’s heart, something I consider to be vital for any future relationship.  I also thought that while Pearl gave advice on serving, ministering, and learning, she should have also briefly mentioned the importance of making disciples in this stage of life.

     Overall the book is a wonderful read for young women waiting on marriage.  While Preparing to be a Help-Meet offers great practical advice for preparation and understanding your future man, I do not recommend reading it unless you have given God all control of your heart.  The fantasy-filled pages leave room for young women to waver in the desires of marriage, thus losing focus on God.  For more information on this book check out, and for more about my views on guarding your heart check out  

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


 Now ladies, we all know we’re young and fit and eternally beautiful. But let’s face it. One day Mother Nature will plot against us and we must be prepared. We have found a work out video to keep your lovely visage looking spot on.  The famed Greer Childers teaches us how to secure the fountain of youth for our face.

Gertie and Char

Preparing for WAR!! Pt. 2

(Continued from Preparing for War!)

Yesterday I made the point that most single people struggle the most during the holidays.  This is the prime time for Satan to whisper tricky lies into your ears, making you feel awkward and alone.  Today I will point out how exactly we should fight against Satan in this war for our hearts.  As I said yesterday, this is not something to be taken lightly, it is in fact a war raging against us.  So put on your competitive helmet and get to work!

Ephesians 6:10-12
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Put on the full armor of God 
so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

I like to think of these verses as Paul's pep talk to the church of Ephesus.  Get up!  Prepare for battle!  This ain't no rodeo, this is war!  Can't you hear him charging out orders with power and authority?  This is exactly what we Christians need to hear going into a battle field like this.  In the next few verses he gives the real specifics of fighting off the devil's schemes.  I will relay the message to you then put it in practical terms.

  • Stand firm with the belt of TRUTH.
    In John 14:6 Jesus tells us that he is the way, the truth, and the life.  He is referred to as the truth in many places throughout the Bible.  Many times the truth is referring to the gospel as well, but the fact is that God is truth.  God's son, Jesus is truth, and God's word the Bible is truth.

    So hold tightly to the things of God.  Even Jesus quoted scripture to the devil when he was tempted in Matthew chapter 4.  Memorize verses and quote them boldly to the devil in times of temptation.  The truth of God combats the lies of Satan every single time.  When whispered a lie, quote truth.

  • Let your feet be ready with THE GOSPEL OF PEACE.
    When we are under attack, the last thing on our mind is sharing the gospel with those around us.  Satan couldn't love this more, hence the fact that he attacks us so often.  Verse 15 in the chapter tells us to prepare our feet with the readiness of the gospel of peace.

    Your most important job as a Christian is to go and make disciples.  If you don't fight off Satan, it is very likely that you will deny someone else the opportunity to live eternally with Jesus.  Meditate on the gospel before going out in the mornings.  Make sure each day of your holiday break begins with a good, fulfilling and focused study of the Word.

  • Dodge flaming arrows with FAITH
    I wish I could find a better picture for this, because in my mind I see a soldier with a shield moving to and fro all over a battle field, rebounding every flaming arrow that comes his way.  Shinkk, piinng, bleeup!  Each arrow ricochets off of his shield and is quickly extinguished.

    Satan is going to be flinging arrows at you like crazy this season!  Luckily you have a shield.  This shield does not come easy, because it is the shield of faith.  There is nothing you can do to understand it except just believe God for what his word says.  It's a blind leap in the other direction, but you must believe with all your heart that it is the right direction.  Tip:  Practicing all other battle pieces will broaden your shield.  When Satan tries to tell you that you are alone because you're weird and awkward and nothing will ever change,  put your faith in God's Word where it says he loves you and created you for a purpose, and he will complete that purpose till the last day with you.  Faith

    This has been made extremely urgent in my personal life lately.  1Thessalonians 5:17, Romans 8:26, and Ephesians 6:18 warn us to pray in all situations.  Personally, I think this is the best weapon simply because you can use it 24/7.  Before the battle, during the battle, and after the battle, prayer should and can be used.

  • Matthew 26:41
    "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. 
    The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

    How can you practically apply these truths to your life this week?  How can you implement them into your holiday break?  Are you starting to recognize the devil's schemes yet?

    Monday, November 7, 2011

    Preparing for WAR!

    God has laid this post on my heart for a long time.  This is such a huge warning sign to those who will listen, to those who will catch my drift.  Please, don't take this post lightly, take it into account when the plot line begins to unfold later today, or later this week.

    The Holidays are coming.  For most of us, this is the most joyous time of the year.  Christmas cookies, Egg Nog, all things pumpkin, presents, Santa Claus, turkey and dressing, friends, and lots of family!  Everyone loves the holidays.  It's the best part of the year.  We get to go home and see our loved ones while we curl up in a ball by the fire with a bowl of chili.  I myself am counting down the weeks till Christmas Break so I can watch movies all day with friends and family.  I'm also counting down for Black Friday shopping with my friends!

    The Holidays are such a wonderful time of the year, and I feel like that's exactly why Satan is on top of his game at this time.  Please understand that I'm not trying to kill the joy or be sinister just for the sake of evil, but I am trying to help you live a careful and content life devoted to God. (Matthew 26:41.)
    1 Peter 5:8 keeps reminding me to write this post:

    "Be self-controlled and alert.  
    Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion 
    looking for someone to devour."

    Amidst the fun and excitement this year, Satan will undoubtedly steal your focus for a good long 30 seconds. (This is how he starts the fall.)  While you're having fun with your family, out of the corner of your eye you'll catch a couple holding hands and being oober lovey-dovey.  (I just used 3 fake words in a sentence...#winning.)

    Anyhow, Satan will grab your chin and turn your gaze to lock in on this couple for a solid 30 seconds.  During that 30 seconds he will ingrain the image into your mind, trickling it down to your heart and desires as he whispers tantalizing lies in your ear.  "You're never going to have that." or "Why aren't you that girl" or my favorite, "With a few phone calls this could be you."  

    Maybe this isn't exactly how the enemy causes you to stumble, but for many of us it's the word for word truth.  The greatest part about the devil is that he is work is actually pretty predictable once you become aware of his schemes (2 Corinthians 2:11.)  In the next post, I will explain how to stand guard against these silly but devastating games, but the first step is spotting his tricks.  

    How does Satan cause you to stumble?  What are the regular traps you fall for around the Holidays?  Romantic movies, scenes around the house, hanging out in the kitchen...where does Satan begin to feed you lies?  How can you be more alert to recognizing these lies?  What can you do to fight them?

    Thursday, November 3, 2011

    Dating story #68, Serial Dating: The Lindsey Story

    Hey beautiful ghouls! 

    Hope y'all had a spooktacular Halloween!  Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE Halloween?  I love dressing up. Getting to see what life feels like in something out of the ordinary. And I couldn't wait for this year, since I had decided to fulfill a life-long dream. 
    That's right.
    Wonder Woman.

    I've been obsessed ever since my sister, BH, and I were kids in our Underoos.  Ps- look at her adorably chubbo legs!  And my nose scab!

    Plus, for years the IT guys have taken to calling me "Wonda' Woman" (not exactly sure why-- boots maybe?).  So I decided it was finally time to reveal my alter-ego to the masses, at mega fun Halloween party last Thursday. Here's some pics!

    I found my counterpart!
    with one of my "bro" friends
    Check the boots, y'all! 

    It was a supa' fun night fo sho, but nothing can really compare to what's been going on lately.  So, instead of going into long-ass sagas, like I know you all LOVE, I'm going to give you the bullet-point catch up!

    Remember him? Hot, fun summer fling out in Fire Island? Yep, that's the one.
    We would exchange occasional texts and I wrote to him when the "HURRICANE OF THE CENTURY" was threatening to slam into Long Beach, NY where I know he lives.  So, being the nice girl I am, I checked in to make sure all was ok.  He had just had major knee surgery and was recuperating from it and seemed very appreciative of my check-in, reciprocating with inquires about how I was doing, etc.  A nice little text-change, if you will.  And that was that till about a month later, he wrote me out of the blue:

    HIM:  "hey, what's up. Sorry I haven't called but I've been recovering from knee surgery. Also as you might have imagined, my availability is a little different on the mainland than it is on FI. Hope all is well tho. Didn't mean to be rude."
    [Cut to me wondering why the hell he was apologizing for not calling??]
    ME: "No worries, I've been super busy. How's the knee?"
    [back and forth chit chat about the knee. So I decided to invite him to this cool jazz open bar party at the Top Of the Standard, since he's a fellow music lover.]
    HIM: "Hey, it sounds like a blast but I have a girl in my real, non-Fire Island life. Figured u should prob know that. Hence the statement "my availability is a little different on the mainland." That may change ur mind about the invite.  
    [WHAAAT! Omg. Who would have EVER figured that out from those words?!]
    HIM:  Oh also, if you could, hit me up during work hours.

    I'm sorry, by "work hours" did he mean "scumbag hours?"  And, can someone please explain to me how this dipshit thinks he can justify what he did simply because he has a separate "Fire Island" life and "mainland" life???!!  

    Seriously, it just never stops being entertaining does it?  


    Clearly, I did NOT invite Girl's Name to that party at the Standard and figured it may be a good opp to meet some ad industry hotties.  
    No dice.
    So as I started out the giant windows at some of the most breathtaking views of NYC, absently sipping my free Goose n' soda, my eyes settled on something across the bar.  Something so hot, I wasn't certain it was actually real yet.
    Thick, wavy dark hair.
    Amazingly handsome, stubbly face.
    Ruggedly chic clothing.
    And, once he stood up-- TALL. Freaking TALL.  
    I literally had to rub my eyes to make sure I was, in fact, seeing this. And then, he and his friend got up and walked toward the back.  I watched for a sec and then thought, "Well, I OBVIOUSLY need to go look at the view from over there!" So I got up and walked over, but alas, no sightings of him.  
    One of the weirdos at the party asked if I had checked out the view from the roof and, since I had not, I went up with them out of sheer boredom.  We walked out to the roof and BEHOLD! There he was, taking goofy pics with his 
    I went right in, harassing them on their poses and this worked me perfectly into their conversation. I then discovered this tall, dark and HELL-O you're HOT guy was also Scottish. 
    What's with the Green Card Special lately?
    And can we also discuss how the accent just made him more HOT, if that's even possible?
    So, I sat down and talked with Scot on the roof for at least an hour.  During that time, we came to find out we WORK IN THE SAME OFFICE BUILDING.
    Hold. The. Phone.
    There is NO way this dude could work in my building within my agency, and I'd never seen him. There's no humanly possible way I could MISS him!  So we exchanged numbers with grand plans of meeting up for lunch, etc the following week.
    The bar then shooed everyone out as they do at 10p every night so we left. Downstairs, he implied he needed to hang with his friend as he was in town from Paris. I was sad to leave since we were having so much fun, but I understood plus I was starving and needed to eat, so we said goodbye. 
    10 whole minutes later, Scot texted me "Hey let me know if you want to hang out after you eat a bite."
    Umm...why did we just leave each other?!
    I decided not to question it.
    I told him to meet me at Mother's Ruin in 30 mins. And, he did.
    We had a blast, he was great to talk to and after a little bit he even asked me, in his charmingly adorable accent, "Can I kiss you?"  Ummm...yes please NOW!
    I was loving it all. But of course, it was nearing 1a on a weeknight and I decided to be responsible [for a change] and go home.  He was leaving town the next day for the weekend but we talked about meeting up the following week.
    And then?
    Radio Silence.

    I even asked my security guard at work (who I love to death!) what the deal was. If this guy was like a dragon or the Tooth Fairy or some shit, but apparently he really DOES work in the building.   
    Eventually, I let it go.  Until last week.  When he texted me.
    One month later.
    At 1:41am.

    Really, dude?  No, like REALLY really?  

    What did it say, you ask?  
    "Whassup stranger?"

    Oh you wanna know whassup, Scot? I'd LOVE to tell you, but I promised my mother I'd stop using that kind of language.



    Roc may be one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Ever.  
    Genuinely caring. Smart. Successful. Incredibly hard working in finance and technology.
    Good dresser. Smells great. Always asks about ME, how I'm doing, recalling funny stories about my bosses. 
    We dated consistently for almost 6 weeks.  
    He never let me pay.
    We talked or texted at least once every day.
    It was perfect.
    On paper.
    In reality, as my ever-wise security guard said, "Dude just don't make yo water boil, huh?"
    Nope. He sure didn't.
    But it seemed so awful to have to end it.  Luckily, he was going on a 2 week trip to Russia and Prague so I'd have a little break to mull it over, see if I missed him and stuff.
    Of course, I got distracted by life, other guys, NYC! I barely thought of him.
    And, crazy enough, he must've felt the same way.
    Haven't heard from him since he left!  
    It feels strange but at the same time, we avoided an annoying and awky convo.! 


    [to be continued....!]