Friday, February 3, 2012


Dear college tennis team member I’ve never met,

Thank you for calling me. Unfortunately I will not be able to “cover” for the other girl that dropped out of your match for tomorrow.

You see…I actually don’t play tennis.

Well I do. I’m actually quite good but only when I play with my friends and pork burritos are on the line for the winner. I can’t play in front of a bunch of strangers who actually are competitive and want to win.

Also, I only joined the college club to put it on my resume.

Sorry for being tacky,


p.s. Please take my name off your calling list so I don’t have to have a repeat of our last awkward conversation.