Thursday, March 22, 2012

It's Official: The Universe Hates Me.

Or at least it did on Tuesday.


Funny, just when you think you've hit rock bottom, you fall through the creepy trap door and hit the concrete basement floor. 


*OUCH*


In re-telling my day to my favorite editor dude his exact words were "You need to blog this."


Ok, here goes.


Tuesday was my 3rd day of complete speechlessness due to laryngitis.  It was also my 3rd day of that horrendous juice cleanse. All things were beginning to take their toll.
Monday night I had been writing to my ex-hubs sister since I saw her post on FB. Their amazing grandma has not been doing well and was going downhill fast. I woke up to a long email from her that made me really sad.
Luckily, I have my pilates session on Tuesday mornings. Although I hate mornings [and working out] I am REALLY loving pilates on the reformer. It's a great way to start the day plus has really helped with many of my body creaks and tweaks.
Luckily also I got there a little early since my ex-hubs called me at 7:45a. I didn't know what to do with the no talking and almost pilates time, but I knew I had to answer. Of course he told me the news that she had passed away, and of course we're both crying on the phone. In my gym locker room. At 8a. Neat-o.
A busy day at work then ensued and entailed dealing with the head HEAD honcho of my agency and trying to solve some copy problems very quickly. Super easy when your only means of communicating is writing and/or miming (aka gesticulating wildly.) 
Finally escaped only to have BFWB drag me to band practice where I obvs couldn't sing [or talk to anyone]. All I could do is play the tambourine and the keys which I have only recently started to do in the band. Guess what that did? Made me realize just how much I SUCK at playing the keys. I am currently trying to fire myself. So far, it's not working.
Left practice feeling pretty low, which is usually the exact opposite of how I feel. Got home and lazily began to look at Twitter, something I rarely do.  Now, I haven't mentioned much/anything about my {former} relationship with E-Blue, which will be his name moving forward.  I will continue not to say much out of respect, but along with him came a whole group of friends, including his brother and amazing friend Bizy whom I was lucky enough to know prior to meeting him. However, Bizy and I have become extremely close girlfriends in the last 6 months, so thus- I am still connected to E-Blue and the whole group.  
While many people have encouraged breaking those ties as well, I see no reason why I have to suffer ALL those losses right now, especially when this wasn't really my decision. It's like he wins that way. Besides, we all know breaking up with a girlfriend can often times be WAY worse than breaking up with a guy. So, Bizy stays! 
Anyway, one thing I love about this friend group is that they are AA [see glossary if confused], successful, and FUN. Just plain freakin' fun. They do activities, make plans and even do FMN, Funny Movie Night. How cute?
So, through Biz I knew they were doing a FMN that night which, of course, made me sad but whatever.  However, when I was randomly looking at Twitter I just happened to see a tweet from E-Blue about it and that it was the Muppets. 
Cue: Lindsey bursting into tears.
Why do the Muppets evoke such emotion, you ask?  
A) the Muppets have long been a part of my history
B) a whole group of us went to see it in the theater together when we were dating and it was an extremely memorable night. E-Blue and I have also quoted the movie quite frequently ever since.
I'm sure he didn't think twice about that tweet and would never intentionally hurt me, but I just found it so insensitive.  I'm sure the not speaking or eating food for 3 days may have had a hand in my emotions as well at that point? 
After I had a good cry, I yelled [in my head, silently] "RECOVER!" to myself and went to put some music on.
Since Bizy and our other friend Chi-chi were coming to my place for din the next night, I wanted to tidy up a bit.  So I reached down to pick up some trash from my kitchen floor. And found myself touching a....
DEAD. BABY. MOUSE.
Waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
You can bet some audible sounds came out of my mouth then.  I also proceeded to do some sort of "Elaine" dance as I convinced myself I had to Man up and get rid of that sucker.  
I put on sunglasses, so as to see it less (great rationale, right?) and finally scooped it into a bag and ran out the door to the hallway garbage, freaking out along the way.
As I opened the door to my garbage room, for the first time in 3 years, I found that some neighbordouchecanoe had so thoughtfully shoved FLOOR TO CEILING boxes into that tiny room, making access to the garbage shoot impossible.  
Are.
You.
F*KING.
KIDDING.
ME???????
I literally looked up to the sky and thought that.  Finally I found a way around them and threw the vile creature down to its burial ground.
I promptly took a Xanax and ended this day that I imagined Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden had contrived somewhere from the bowels of Hell.
So let's recap, shall we?
-7:45a, ex-hubs notifies me of Grandma passing
-Can't communicate at work
-Endless harassment from boss about said lack of comm
-No singing at band practice
-I suck at piano
-No food in 3 days
-Read tweet about Muppets movie. 
-Sob
-Touch dead baby mouse
-Have to sweep up dead baby mouse
-Troubles disposing of dead baby mouse.


And, SCENE.


Thank you for listening.


To end on a lighter note, about 3 weeks ago, before all this stuff hit the fan, I took an epic trip to Nicaragua and my next post will be about that, so stay tuned!