Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Staying Pure in College: A Guest Post


Today's guest post is contributed by Angelita Williams, who writes on the topics of online courses. Besides blogging, she loves to travel, listen music and spending time with pets. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: angelita.williams7@gmail.com.


Dating in College: How I Kept My Virginity 
Growing up my parents always stressed the importance of maintaining one's virginity until marriage. It was sinful to do otherwise. That's not to say that Christians who choose have sexual relationships out of wedlock won't get into the pearly gates of heaven. I'm just reinitiating why, since I hit puberty, I planned to keep my virginity intact. Not to mention I was terrified of pregnancy and STDS.

In high school, even with all of these new "racing hormones," I managed to successfully keep my promise to myself and God. But I was never really "tested," if you will—I didn’t have a boyfriend, so the possibility of getting intimate with someone wasn't even really a concern. But when I attended my local state college, the circumstances changed. I was miles away, living unsupervised. I attended parties frequently where alcohol was always accessible; and I started finally dating— something that is extremely hard to do in the "hookup" college culture. While my college years made it a lot harder to keep my promise, I'm proud to say that I earned my diploma with my virginity still in place. To learn how I did this, continue reading below.

1. Have the Talk up Front
I was a late bloomer. I really didn’t grow into my features until the summer right before my first semester of college, so I was thoroughly surprised by all of the new attention I got from men on campus. Since I had only been on a few dates in the past, I accepted most of the invitations I received. I figured that if a man was brave enough to approach me, the least I could do was agree to a slice of pizza. But I learned early on that most college aged men have ulterior motives Simply put, most just wanted my "cookie." But I had a method for weeding out the toads from the princes. I'd simply talk about my faith and my choice to wait until marriage early on in the relationship, it usually came up no later than the second date. 

There were three types of men that I encountered after having a conversation like this: 1) The Runner—He'll say 'that's cool' but then never call back again (good you don't want to date a person like that anyway). 2) The Pretender—He'll act like he respects your decision  to wait but really just sees it as a "challenge" (he'll convince you to give it up late he thinks) and 3) The Understander—he authentically respects your decision and still wants to continue seeing you. To get a better look at each type of guy and learn how to deal with them, we move on to the next tip—

2. Don’t Put Yourself in "Tempting" Situations
Now it's hard to be able to tell The Pretender from The Understander initially. After all, The Pretender will pretty much make it seem like everything is cool—but he'll only keep up the act for a while. If you stand your ground The Pretender will become frustrated and lose interest. Problem solved. The Understander, on the other hand, may respect your decision, but he's still human. The two of you may be doing some heavy petting and then get "caught up in the moment." The easiest way to prevent anything from "happening" is to learn how to prevent yourself from being in "tempting" situations that could lead to sex. This means stopping when things get too hot and heavy, not sleeping in the same bed (especially with your clothes off or in skimpy lingerie—if wearing "granny panties" will stop you from stripping, so be it), standing your ground when he tries to say oral sex is not the same as real sex, or drinking alcohol around your date since it clouds judgment. Alcohol is also one of the leading causes for one night stands; how tragic would it be to lose your virginity to some frat guy you just met? Know your limits.

3. Keep Yourself Active
Last but not least, you don't ever want to be "consumed" with the new guy you're dating.  Make sure to have your own life and do your own thing. Stay active. If the two of you are attached to the hip and you seclude yourself from the rest of your friends, it makes it feel like you're a married couple and may convince you that "it's time." But don't let this feeling fool you: you're not actually married. Doing your own thing from time to time and keeping yourself busy is a beautiful thing and will help you keep your promise—both academically and religiously.

Keeping your virginity can be a challenge, but if it's something that is truly important to you, it can be done. 

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What do you think about Angelita's post?  Can you relate with her struggles and victories?  Do you have your own advice you'd like to share?  Comment below or email me at divinedating.org@gmail.com.