Monday, October 15, 2012

A Woman's Heart


"...at the heart of every woman you will find that she wants three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty...most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after."
--from the book Captivating

 Psalm 45:11 "The King is enthralled by your beauty."

How many of you have ever felt unloved?  Are there any women in your life whom you look at instantly sense their dire need of attention?  Are they..or you..addicted to a secret sin?  Perhaps it's not because they are crazy.  Not because they want to be annoying, clingy, witchy, etc.  Perhaps it is because they have not once in their life felt loved and wanted.

Often times we are all too quick to judge the quirkiness of others.  At the same time, we are much to slow to diagnose the problems of our own addictions.

I've read Captivating, by John and Staci Elderedge five times in my life.  I am now starting and round six.  I love it.  It is and forever will be, my most favorite book.  It has changed and shaped my life over and over again.  Each time I read it I learn something new about women, myself, and God.  Did I mention I never reread books?

As I am reading it tonight...I can't help but stop and think of all the women in the world who feel unloved.  I think the truth is that most of these women are loved, but do they feel it?...no.  That sounds like something very small and trivial, and of course it is something we (women) all downplay to excessive degrees.  In fact, if you were to ask most women if they felt unloved, I bet the majority wouldn't even admit it.  Why?  Because we are STRONG,  INDEPENDENT, Rosie the Rivoter type of women who wouldn't dare confess a need or a want, much less one that depends on a man.

I've asked a few married women in my life if they felt like their husband was leading them spiritually.  In both cases the women teared up and shook their head no, admitting to a lifetime of pain.  Now I sit and think of how many women--young, old, married, widowed, single--who walk around this life feeling unloved.  There must be millions!  What do they do?  How do they cope?  Superficial relationships with men?  Do some cover up the pain with cosmetics? Others might fill the void with food, alcohol or illegal substances even.  Then there are the select few that turn to the Lord and lean on him for their strength and fulfillment.  That of course works, but I know there still must be painful nights when those women need a strong pair of shoulders to lean upon and call "daddy" or "husband."

Please don't take this post as a bashing on the men in our lives.  There are many things women fail at too, and I would never put down men just to be mean.  I know 90% of the men I've met try very hard to be who they need to be for their women...I think they just don't know exactly what they need to do.  Anyhow, the point of my post is to point out the issue so that women and maybe even a few men, can understand more about the heart of a woman.  Once we understand a woman's heart, then we understand her hurts, and when we understand someone's hurts we understand their annoying habits.  Put all this together and you have a recipe that can only add up to help, healing, and freedom.

Think about it.  Every woman wants to be pursued by a man.  When we are little it's daddy, and when we grow older it's a man...but not just any man.  It's the man we can call husband.  I think many young women would argue that it doesn't have to be a husband that pursues them, but when you break it all down, it truly is.  Think of Jennifer Aniston's role in "He's Just Not That Into You."  She lives with a man she has dated for 7 years.  They love each other and are very faithful to one another, yet her heart aches and aches because he refused to marry her.  Why?  Because we are women and we were designed to be married, to be someone's helper, and to be the wife of a specific man God picked out for us.  Don't buy what I'm sellin'?  Read Genesis 2-4.

The heart of a woman screams commitment by a steady, faithful, forever man.  Daddy to husband, nothing in between or temporary.  Yet when we live too long without being pursued by one or the other we tend to get lost in the temporary pain-numbers many call "losers", or "bozos."  Ahh...this must be why we date.

Woa.  Did I just say that?   Can't wait to hear the controversial comments on that line. :)

Anyhow, I have a friend who loves his kids a whole lot.  He always says he's "taking them on an adventure." What adventure are ya'll going on today?  I'll ask him when I know he has a day off.  Oh, the zoo...a museum...mountain climbing...a strange restaurant.  He always replies with some fascinating answer and a jam-packed agenda for the day.

I love, love, love this action-packed form of fathering he has goin' for him. I told him the other day something he never even realized.  By keeping those kids in the middle of an adventure, you are doing them a huge favor.  When they grow up and become teenagers they won't have to rebel and look for adrenaline and excitement, because they will know in their hearts that their whole life has been an exciting adventure.  Why? Because Daddy showed them so.  He taught them how to live life to the fullest without sneaking out, experimenting with drugs, or doing harmful things to their body.

A woman wants to be a part of an adventure...with a forever man.

Life--with all it's surprises, demands and gifts--is definitely an adventure.  Facing the hard stuff head on is always a well-worth it challenge that definitely counts as adventure.  So men, lead us through it instead of running.  Women, trust that he will get you to the other side, hang on, and love every minute of the adrenaline-packed adventure.  I promise you, you won't be bored.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..."
Jeremiah 29:11