Monday, November 5, 2012

Smile, and prepare to photo bomb

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There are many ways people can bomb photos.

You can get a lazy eye mid picture. Someone could have their mouth full of food. And our personal favorite, a complete stranger standing behind you staring directly at the camera as if they’ve never seen something flash before.

As Spinsters, we have many opportunities to bomb photos.

First, the family photo.

Ahhh…there it is. The typical American family. Mom and Dad in center, hands placed gently on each other’s knees. Top left corner the Grandpa lovingly places his hands on Grandma’s shoulders. A smattering of children adorn mother’s arms or father’s lap. Everything looks nice and perfect.

And then there’s you.

Hmmmm. The photographer has placed everyone so nicely and then you had to come along and ruin everything. Should he place you next to the Grandparents? No…then you’ll look like you’re their kid. What about holding a niece or nephew?  No then you’ll look like a single parent. How about next to your sister? Oooh super awkard. Your brother-in-law now has two wives.

After much deliberation the photographer tucks you nicely at the knee of your parents where you as an independent, confident career savvy woman look like a small child yet to be weaned from the home life gravy train.

Second, The Ex.

He thought he was rid of you did he? No more being tied down during NBA games. No more having to spend good money on your hun-cal frozen yogurt fetish. No more DTRs…well he better be prepared to have a DTR with every person he comes in contact with due to your photo bombing his family Christmas card.

Bless her heart relative: “Now who is that darling young lady I saw you with in the card? Is she your wife?”
The Ex: “Er….no. That was a girl I was dating. We’re not dating anymore.”

BHHR: “Oh! Well I just saw her in the card. I thought she was your wife.”
The Ex: “No…Nope. Not my wife.”
BHHR: “Yes you see I got your card and thought, “Oh! Well look who got married.”
The Ex: “Yeah…I didn’t.”
BHHR: “So you’re not dating her anymore?”

Wow. Wow. Wow.
That is a painfully awkward conversation.

Spinsters across the globe are slowly, but surely doing their best to ruin one photo at a time.

Embrace the awkwardness,

Char and Gert