Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Being Single is a Talent


  • I can’t cut circles free handed which makes crafting pretty impossible.
  • I can’t put on eye liner for the life of me.
  • I can’t get over it when people are mean to me.

But there’s one thing I’m really good at.

Being single.

In fact, I’ve started to realize I have a talent for it.

My first experience being single was really hard. In fact, I bombed it. I was 18 and it was my first break up. I was rocking the lying in my bed listening to Big Girls Don’t Cry steeze. Seriously, who does that? Oh wait…all of us.

The more boys I dated, the better I got at breaking up, rebounding and decoding phrases like, “I don’t know…we just went kind of fast” and “Let’s just see how we feel after I get back from Seattle.”

Now how to go about parading this talent…

      …people don’t even know (or maybe appreciate) how good I’ve gotten at this!

Unlike a talent show I can’t display my ability to scope out a room and within 4 seconds realize what guys are tools, what guys have girlfriends and what guys maybe don’t live in their parents’ basement.

I am incredibly gifted at retail therapy post break ups. I once spent $400 in one month after a particularly painful one. That’s $100 a week. Thank you Nordstrom Rack.

I go to concerts of people I’ve never even heard of and feel super hipster afterwards.

I have developed a habit of going out to dessert with girlfriends at 10 pm. And I’m talking classy desserts. Like sit down restaurant desserts.  

My proudest accomplishment is getting a guy to ask for my number. He may never use it, but I can sure get him to get it.

Mostly, I’m getting really good at this single thing.  

It’s easier than learning how to play the trombone.



Monday, March 18, 2013


As I write to you today I am sitting in a condo staring at the humongous waves wash up on a Florida beach.  My mother is passionately snapping pictures while my brother and his friend run, jump and smash their bellies against the bellowing waves.  I sit here and I think.  I think a lot about life and how mine has changed over the past year.  I think of how people's perspectives of you change when your life changes.  How can that be?  If the person doesn't change then how can your perspective of them change?  I guess that is just one of our plentiful falls as worldly beings.  We all judge and fall short.

I feel that it is very important for me to say this as a leader:
Never do something because I do it.  Never do something because your sister, your mother, your brother, your friends, or your family did it.
But ALWAYS find out for yourself what your opinion is.  Seek God's opinion for this action on your life and then and only then do you do it.
Do something because you, personally, feel that it is the right choice for you.

What is it that gives you breath?  What makes your heartbeat quicken.  Where do you want to be?  What do you want to be doing?

I'm not asking you to give the "Sunday school answer", nor the "parental" or friend-amental" answer. I'm asking YOU.  From the depths of your heart, deep, deep down in your God-made soul.  What is that desire that he planted in you to increase his holiness and your well-being as a full creature?

You know, the Lord wants us to live an abundant and full life.  (John 10:10)  If we are living for other people, we are not letting him fulfill his promise for us.  If we are living too safely, constantly clenching to our security blankets instead of taking the risks set in our hearts, then again, we are not letting God fulfill his purpose for our lives.  Ephesians 2:10 explains that the Lord has big, bold and beautiful plans for us.  Plans of us soaring across the sky and sailing into an ocean of unknown wonderland.  How will we reach our destiny if we never give ourselves a chance too?

Believing in God and believing in ourselves go hand in hand.  If God believed in you enough to make the plans, then you owe it to him to believe in yourself enough to jump into those plans.

We all have passions, desires, heart-yearnings.  Mine is painting, speaking, and writing. (mostly...I tend to have more than most people.)  But  whatever your SOMETHING is...DO IT!!  

Chances are, if you're passionate about it, you were born to do it.

Stop thinking about what the world wants, what your parents want, and what your friends are doing.  Then breathe, pray and find God's design.

I have faith in you.  Go after your dreams. :)

Do what you would do if no one was watching.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

La la la I'm Not Listening


You know that line in the Princess Bride when the scraggly woman boos Buttercup for letting go of love and that she had it right in her hands and let it slip away? She uses harsh words like “putrescence” and “garbage.” Brutal.  

Well, this happens to us. All.of.the.time.

We have all experienced our mothers, aunties, grannies, and even our friends bemoaning us for letting a guy slip through our fingers.

Ugh, leave us be!

As if we don’t know who we want to date. We know everything.

We have all heard lines like this…

“Gert, you are THE pickiest person ever.”

Response: “Mom, just because he is potentially going to med school does not mean I need to walk down the aisle.”

“Char, he is tall. Why on earth wouldn’t you date him?”

Response: “Great…so now height is the only quality I should look for?”

You will be pestered, prodded, provoked, and pressured. But hold fast. You know what you are looking for.

It’s ok to be picky. This is a little more important than picking your nail color for the week….perhaps…..

Plant those feet, ladies. Plant those feet.

Charlotte and Gertrude

Monday, March 4, 2013

Are you there, Blogosphere? It's me, Lindsey...

Oh, hi there. 
It's Lindsey.
You may remember me from such posts as My Bizarre Un-love Triangle, Three Times the Shady, or Disaster In Denver

At this point I'm averaging like 3 blog posts/decade, so I'm sure you're all totally engaged. But just in case anyone is still reading, here are some fun updates.

I'm doin' pretty dang well! I've definitely been on a see-saw the past few months trying to figure it all out, but I'm still in deep bliss with my man Ole Miss. That's about 7 mos and going strong, if you're out there counting. Plus tons of upcoming plans already made. Friend's wedding in Turks & Caicos, summer beach house in Kismet.  The future looks...dare I say...promising?  I dare not say anymore! 

So...I made a random cameo appearance on the 2/14 episode of Bravo's "Watch What Happens Live" With Andy Cohen, (aka the show he made for himself) in case you've never seen it. A good, long-time friend called the night before the show asking if I could be the guest bartender on their Valentine's show, featuring Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough. No bartending needed, just acting like a "sad, drunk girl eating food and insisting 'I'm totally fine.'"  So touched he thought of me.  And of course, how could I say no to that? 
Here's what they made me look like. 
Ole Miss said "God, you look like Courtney Love" upon receiving this picture text. I think that meant he was really proud.
And, apparently Josh Duhamel was mesmerized by my hideosity, since throughout the show he kept talking to me...or maybe he wanted to eat some of the 500 things I ate during the course of the show, including a raw S'mores PopTart?

Josh (I assume we're on a first-name basis after this show), also insisted I come and take a pic with them on a commercial break. 
Oh, and maybe instead of shaking Andy's hand at the end he came over to hug me instead? I think he really thought I was that drunk/sad/homeless...
Look out, Fergie.
*If you missed it, I don't think there's anywhere you can find the whole episode but there are some clips on the Bravo site and on Hulu.

Walking home from that taping (spoiler alert: it's not always live!) I saw I had a missed call and voicemail. Remember one of our blog favorites, Almost Doc? He was a recurring character that just wouldn't let go. He has sporadically texted and called intermittently over the last two years. I have never picked up or responded to anything. So, two days before Valentine's day (coincidence?), I get this message.
Almost Doc: "Texas Cowgirl, it's Dr. Almost Doc [that's right. He referred to himself as "doctor"-- is your lunch coming up yet?].  I miss you very much...I don't know why our relationship didn't work out, but i'm hoping that we could give it another shot. Call me." 
We went on THREE dates.
TWO years ago.
Is this really happening? Like in real life?
It's almost too much to believe.  Gotta appreciate the guy's tenacity, but...c'mon. Seriously?!  I of course had to share with D-bots, who's always been a huge fan of his, at some points insisting I get a restraining order and this time, referring to his actions as "DEVILRY."  Hah. I miss you, Hotbot!

Amongst the ranks of former daters, such as The Streak, who is now a very close friend...and also engaged! Mazel Tov!, is SoCal. There are so many posts about both of them from the past that I couldn't decide on one to link them back to and figured you probably don't care anyway. 
SoCal is now a dad. I told you about the moment I found out about that here. But, I finally met his offspring a few weeks ago. She's almost 12 mos old and maybe one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Meeting her felt like having an out-of-body experience.  I also met his BabyMomma, whom I believe I once referred to as FakeBoobs McCougar. In hindsight, I feel pretty bad about that but in my defense, I didn't know her at the time as anything but a chick who surprised my friend with being knocked up. But, it takes 2 to horizontal tango, so I apologize for that name as she's very sweet and seems like a great mom. And SoCal is an AMAZING dad! He's totally in love with his little joy bundle and the whole thing is really nauseatingly cute.
We went for dinner after and had a great talk and he even gave me some good advice! It's so nice to stay friends with people you've once dated. 
Speaking of, my ex bf Champ and I have also reconciled our (his) differences and that also feels pretty great as well! It's hard to have someone who once meant so much to you suddenly vanish from existence just because your relationship didn't work out. So, today's lesson: 
Life is short. Amend what you can.  Even if you once made a voodoo doll of them and attempted to waterboard it.

My wonderful friend, D, is always sending me topical, interesting things that he thinks I will enjoy.  Today he sent this link and I think all of you will find it hits pretty darn close to home. 
Are Nicknames For The Men You Date Demeaning Or Just Good Fun?

Misses n' kisses!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Wanted: A Happy Medium

A Happy Medium.

It’s all we’re asking for people. A happy medium where boys can be fun, yet driven. Where he will want to spend time with you, yet knows he has to do his homework. This is one situation where we’d love to have someone lukewarm.  Not ice cold boring, not burning up with fun. A nice, balanced teeter-totter of priorities and enthusiasm.

Pulling the Move

Situation A:
Spinster and Boy are on hike with a few couples. Boy tries to hold Spinster’s hand the whole way down. Boy tells Spinster it’s dark, it’s dangerous, needs to hold her hand. Spinster kindly hints she doesn’t want to hold his hand. It’s a first date. Kind of weird. In the car Boy asks if he can put his arm around her. Spinster again kindly, yet more firmly this time, says no. He puts arm around her anyway and she lifts it off of her. No means no.

Situation B:
Spinster interested in Fella and after he asks her on a few dates decides to make him dinner. After dinner she sits on the couch, maybe hoping for a nice snuggle or talk. Fella sits on OTHER couch. Does not get within 3 feet of Spinster all night.

Wonky priorities

Situation A:
Man is applying for Law School, taking LSAT, volunteers at Big Brothers Big Sisters, does triathlons, on an indoor soccer team, working for his uncle on the side as a sales rep for blah blah blah company, great wit, tall…the perfect catch. Only one thing missing. His schedule is too busy for a girlfriend.

Situation B:
Guy is going to school but only part time because he’s president of his frat. Working at outdoor retailor also part-time because he needs time to “focus on boarding”. Will hang out with Spinster every single day if she wanted. Would skip work and school to do so. This sounds wonderful. All except for the part where he isn’t really shooting for anything in his future.

Trying on only mediums from here on out,

Gertrude & Charlotte