Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Being Single is a Talent


  • I can’t cut circles free handed which makes crafting pretty impossible.
  • I can’t put on eye liner for the life of me.
  • I can’t get over it when people are mean to me.

But there’s one thing I’m really good at.

Being single.

In fact, I’ve started to realize I have a talent for it.

My first experience being single was really hard. In fact, I bombed it. I was 18 and it was my first break up. I was rocking the lying in my bed listening to Big Girls Don’t Cry steeze. Seriously, who does that? Oh wait…all of us.

The more boys I dated, the better I got at breaking up, rebounding and decoding phrases like, “I don’t know…we just went kind of fast” and “Let’s just see how we feel after I get back from Seattle.”

Now how to go about parading this talent…

      …people don’t even know (or maybe appreciate) how good I’ve gotten at this!

Unlike a talent show I can’t display my ability to scope out a room and within 4 seconds realize what guys are tools, what guys have girlfriends and what guys maybe don’t live in their parents’ basement.

I am incredibly gifted at retail therapy post break ups. I once spent $400 in one month after a particularly painful one. That’s $100 a week. Thank you Nordstrom Rack.

I go to concerts of people I’ve never even heard of and feel super hipster afterwards.

I have developed a habit of going out to dessert with girlfriends at 10 pm. And I’m talking classy desserts. Like sit down restaurant desserts.  

My proudest accomplishment is getting a guy to ask for my number. He may never use it, but I can sure get him to get it.

Mostly, I’m getting really good at this single thing.  

It’s easier than learning how to play the trombone.